The Voices for Voices TV Show and Podcast Episode 50 with Guest, Erik Frederickson
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connect Talent with opportunity for job Seekers and employers from coast to
coast and in every industry and job level in today's episode I am happy to be
joined by Erik Fredrickson founder of recovering reality he's located in
southwestern Florida in Cape Coral Erik thank you so much for joining us today
hey, it's a pleasure privilege to be on man thank you absolutely for our
audience maybe we can get started with a little introduction about yourself and
maybe going into some of the maybe the lower parts of life and then we
can end on a positive high note given hope and inspiration like you do
yeah, I appreciate it man I mean you know maybe I'll maybe I'll start
with just a snippet of where I'm at now yeah and then
tell people a little bit about the story that this was not always the way that it is right now, so I had the I had the
privilege now so I'm40 years old married three kids all boys they keep
us very busy still six five- and one-year old boys and I have the privilege of working
from home for a lot of my time and working one-on-one with business owners or individuals who are struggling
with recovery and helping them overcome challenges they're facing uh
and even more so step into their purpose I feel like it's a really big part when people can grab a hold of a purpose of a
cause bigger than themselves they really can change their identity and give them
some extra drive and motivation and so that's what I get to do now I love what
I do you know things change consistently but the theme of helping
people is has always been there because I would not, I wouldn’t even be alive if it wasn't
for people helping me and so the more I can give back and
help people it’s a great motivator for me and a privilege for me you know but I'll say this so you
know I was you know my there was no drugs or alcohol in my family very
religious my family's all Mormon I am not but very good relationship with my
family still to this day and I was just I was raised in a home where there was there was none of that
at all moved to Utah from California to Utah when I was 10 years old and
immediately just felt out of place a lot of the same things you feel hear from a lot of people who struggle with
addiction just didn't feel comfortable with my skin felt out of place those feelings in and of themselves
don't mean it's okay to do what so many of us did for so many years but nonetheless they were there and by the
age of 13 I started smoking weed drinking and
gosh it was just really bad right from the start you know some people progress
maybe they start drinking and high school or when they're a teenager or whatnot and maybe getting a little
trouble here and there but it takes years before it really takes over their life that was not the case with me it
took over my life immediately just gosh getting in fights problems
at home and getting arrested and just the normal stuff that happens when
addiction takes over your life you know but after about a year or so of just smoking
weed and drinking pain pills really exploded on the scene in America really
was really the precipice the beginning of the opioid epidemic and
I had a root canal late one night and it was killing me and standard procedure
the dentist went in family friend late at night and did it for us and everything went accordingly and fixed my
tooth and out the door you go and here's a bottle of Vicodin and seeing as I already had a liking
to escaping reality those painkillers did not did
not help and so it was gosh I don't know about fifteen or so
painkillers came on the scene in my in in my personal life and just added to
the problem you know I could sit and tell stories for a long time as anyone that lived
through addiction it was bad it was bad a suicide attempt an overdose
I watched when I when I started my recovery Journey which didn't start till, I was twenty-six.
over thirty of my friends died of overdose or
suicide freak accident but just all involving addiction, and this was in you know quote Happy
Valley Utah, you know still to this day I'll tell people some of my story like really in
Utah at that time actually Utah was in the top five states in the whole country for
overdose deaths the pain pills just it exploded and oxycontin and all that
and you know it's bad it was just bad like it is for anybody that goes through that
addiction I kept trying to run away you know sure people who hadn't even
struggling with addiction have tried this one if I just pretend the problem's not there it'll go away
it doesn't work though try that with a bill collector just pretend it's not there and see if it magically goes away
uh and I kept moving and I kept trying this let me just quit I'll stop the pain
pills for a little bit and I'll just drink and all the same things that many people
the struggle with addiction go through at 26 I was so defeated
I had moved around many times at this point I was living in this little nowhere Ville Utah down to Southern Utah
in this little town hiding in an apartment drinking myself to death really
um you know I had maybe some people can relate to this my
my external circumstances when I hit finally hit my you know quote Rock Bottom had been far worse
I had I'd been in far worse situations arrested and all that stuff that I mentioned but at this point in my
journey I it had never been worse internally I was as low as I'd ever been
sick tired defeated I didn't even have any more bridges to burn it was it was over and I
all my mom and I was so broke I didn't even have money to drive home to
my parents’ house asked if they would send me a few bucks so I could have gas and drove to my parents’ house long
story short I got arrested on the way back got pulled over thrown in jail for the weekend
got out Monday morning when you can finally see the judge and off to rehab, I went
and got out of rehab and stayed in Utah gosh I think for a week
or two tying up blue sins and moved to San Diego and that's where my recovery Journey started in my life
really truly started to change and that was I was twenty it was three weeks
before my 27th birthday in 2009. okay
okay wow yeah, I mean a lot of moving around a lot of you know like you mentioned like
the external circumstances we're always maybe always there and kind of doing
their thing but until you felt it internally um, I mean I can relate and maybe some of
our audience can as well where you know like an actor an actress, you're
you're kind of going out and Performing like in those external circumstances and as long as
internally you're not really being yourself because you're you know being somebody else, I'm happy all the time
I'm having fun I'm always in the know and then when it gets to that point
where it does where all those dominoes just Stack Up and Stack Up and stack up it comes time eventually to
uh to have to make that decision and kind of like okay are we going to accept let's get started on this thing to
recovery or you know take a different path looking back why
maybe you don't know exactly but a lot of you think you know so you know your friends and colleagues and that you
mentioned that passed away you know that they went down that path why do you
think you didn't go to that path, or I know you mentioned an overdose uh
time but is there is there something that like stopped you at that point like okay wow this is getting like too real
like I need to not stop but I'll just take less I'll do that let me see
if I can manage this Beast
you know my simple answer would be the grace of God I was I was just as bad or worse
than any of my friends if I had to sit down and give a perfect answer to it, I would say you
know some of it I just I don't know I don't know Grace um
I can't say I can’t say to some extent that I was maybe
heroin scared me even though I did end up doing it for a little bit, but I definitely wasn't you know I was I was
way more sophisticated I did Oxycontin not heroin which is just as bad or worse but
I don't you know I guess my simplest answer would just be the grace of God I mean I was just as bad or worse than any
of them and this much I can't say I certainly want to capitalize on the opportunity
and the new lease on life I've been given yeah it absolutely and I think
that's where from what I know about you in your background you're taking that
energy that was doing not so healthy uh
potentially negative things per se to on the flip side of using that energy in
that that time to help others and I think that kind of core value you mentioned at the at the beginning that
no matter what Avenue you go down which way the road goes that helping
others is going to be on that vehicle with you
it's a big deal one thing so in having worked with
um many people specifically you know struggling in their recovery or
still stuck in addiction sometimes people who are in that spot
they don't want to listen to someone unless they've been through it themselves and I understand it's not
always the best approach because just because someone hasn't been through it doesn't mean they can't help someone who is going through it they could still be
have the Knowledge and Skills and have been trained to do so but I but I but I also do get it that it's a pretty
intense thing people go through and so they want to talk to someone that's been through it so that being said you know
when you've gone through it and stepped into freedom and then on the other side
you know learn know how to Steward that freedom and live in it when you're speaking to someone who's in it
there's more of an authority on your voice you have you have a you have a better chance at helping them you know
how to speak their language you know for years people have come to me and I'm
going through this and that and you just you know you wouldn't understand and I'm like
look that might work on somebody that doesn't work on me so we're not going to try that again I do understand and if
I can do it you can do it yeah, it's almost with my four-year-old daughter uh
haven't gotten there yet but I can foresee those types of conversations of well you don't know you haven't been
there you haven't done it and it's like well I'm an adult ones too yeah, I'm not perfect but
I've probably done and thought about a lot of the same things and that’s
I'm glad you brought up that a person doesn't have to have that lived experience to help somebody there's you
know you think about people that haven't been through some of the difficult the difficult times that
we're referencing and they're still going to school they're still getting to
that point where you know their work can come home with them you know the psychological side where I mean think
about like a firefighter and they go they go in a fire they rescue the people
or they recover in the individuals and then they come home and that's Gotta
Wear on that person and police detectives and morgue Corners it
similar but I think that this is very similar to that in that somebody is
going to school for that that they're preparing themselves however that is uh
and I don't know because I don't have that education, I just have that lived experience, but I really hope that
the services are there for those individuals as they're going through and they're you know learning not just
through the textbook where they're sitting in as an intern with a psychiatrist or a counselor of wow
like that this is you know the textbook kind of shares some it'll give you like the diagnosis and some of the
definitions but that face-to-face interaction like hearing that your yourself has got to be tough so what
keeps you wanting to continue that helping others so it could be I mean I think about I
say I couldn't be a counselor I couldn't be a psychiatrist because I just might I just don't have the mind and the
toughness for that and knowing what I do about what some
of the things that you have and are currently doing what keeps you going besides that wanting to help
others like when you hear stories when you're having those conversations when they say Erik, I'm going through this
situation you know can you guide me give me some recommendations how do
you step away from that particular conversation and go on to the next
conversation and continue to have the upbeatenness of saying look this is what I'm that's what I'm here to do I got
that new lease on life and this is how I'm going to move forward yeah, it's a good question and it is a
real challenge for a lot of people who are constantly interacting because it can be it can be heavy, I mean
well I'll just say this, so you know the cliche people don't
care what you know until they know that you care I think I said that people don't yeah, I said it right yeah
um that is Amplified when you're talking to
people who are hurting and in order to help people who have really gone through it in a really in
need of some emotional mental physical they need healing in all aspects of
their life total well-being you need access to their heart
if they don't trust you, you don't have access to their heart, you're not going to make the progress even if it appears
you're making it you're not gonna they're not opening up and really giving you access to the area you need access to bring the change
and I think that they're simple things that you can learn in some in some
schools I mean just patience kindness tone of voice uh
simple communication skills are going to go a really long way um
but in terms of staying upbeat and healthy myself you know
there's a lot of things that that we can do but I mean the bottom line is I need God
every day I start my day every day I get up before the sun most days almost days and I'm
journaling I'm in my Bible and I'm praying it's I and if I don't if I don't
have anything to give people who are hurting I'm not going to last very long in this and get burnt out tired confused
and it's gonna happen pretty quick and so staying upbeat you know I have
to realize that I need to stay connected to God and I need to get filled up first
or I don't have anything to give away and secondly, I need to realize I'm not
this person's savior I'm not responsible I'm not responsible for your actions I'm not respond I'm not
responsible for your life when people come to me, they're giving me some Authority in in their life and
they're saying you know I trust you and I'm coming to you for help in this area but still I can't go do the
actions for you I can’t get you to read and journal and pray every day, but I think I
can't get you to have the tough conversations and make amends on these different things that need to happen I can't do that for you I can encourage
you guide you keep you accountable so for me it's really two parts one is I
got to realize if I have if I'm not if I'm not connecting with Jesus
every single day if I'm not starting my day connecting to God then I'm not going to have much to give and in terms of
detaching from because it can't it is heavy man people go through addiction
I've heard some stories I've heard some stories that people wouldn't believe that people have lived
through and some things when they were young in different situations it's it is it can be crazy it's heavy but I
also have to realize I'm not your I'm not your savior I'm not your God
I'm not responsible for that I'm responsible to keep you accountable encourage you help you Empower you but
you are responsible for your life does that make sense man it does and
that kind of leads on the next question that I didn't have on kind of our nose, but it sounds like
the role of faith has been huge for you where you're at now I guess
where did that begin did that begin you know at 26 when things you're at rock bottom and that's one of the things
you're just like I'm at bottom I'm gonna I'm I guess I don't I don't
know I guess how did that that work out and it sounds like it's obviously continued today to today but I'm just
curious on for our viewers or listeners you know maybe they're at that point or they know somebody that's
at that point and maybe faith is a way to go maybe it's not but for
someone like yourself where it is, and it was what were maybe like someone the
the signs and what got you started with the faith of looking outward you know in the morning like you
mentioned yeah, it's a I appreciate the question man it's a good question I mean so I was
raised in a very religious home and
I'm just going to be transparent and honest about everything my intention is
not to ruffle anyone's feathers but I'm just going to be real about my story I didn't like it at all my family is
Mormon and you know there's a lot of good things to have a ton of good friends and that religion my whole
family have good relationships with everyone in my family I didn't like it I just rebelled against it just don't tell me what to do
and how to do it and when I have to do it and why I have to stop it and but and I rebelled against in a very unhealthy
way and that's all on me at a young age when I also when I was younger had some
very real encounters with God and for sake of time I'll just say uh
they were very real Supernatural multiple ones multiple ones that I never
questioned again if God was real, I didn't have a theological explanation for anything, but I was like okay well
God's very real I had to go on a journey to see what my relationship with God looked like but at 26 when I moved out
of Utah kind of by default if I'm going to be honest, I was like I don't want anything
to do with religion nothing but this Jesus is a mate lets you know
let's try him on as quote higher power it's kind of my mindset and Approach at the beginning and I gave it everything
I had I was from the very beginning my recovery I get up before the sun it hasn't changed in gosh for 14 years it
still hasn't changed to this day and immediately I just began to have
experiences my life began to change very quickly he began to put people in my life, and you know I know what my life's
like without faith in God in it I know what it's like it's not good
I know what it's like now also with him in my life and
it started it's the real pursuit of faith in relationship with God my life
started out of desperation I knew I was gonna die I was gonna die Jesus makes sense to me I don't
want anything to do with religion and I started there and like my life depended on it because it did, and I knew that
and I've just made it my Pursuit and man life lifestyle is going to have his
challenges anyone that says life's perfect all the time they're probably not being honest with you everyone's got their challenges that come up, but I can
tell you this man life is so much better this way it's unbelievable
it's unbelievable yeah thank you for being again so transparent and uh
upfront about that because I know it's deep you know you're reaching again
into that into your heart it's not some superficial I'm pretending to be
somebody that's you know here's something that's very personal nature I mean, and it's been instrumental and
helping me get to where I'm at and continue to go I tried The Superficial thing it
almost left me dead yeah so you mentioned your three boys in
your that’s your more immediate family how is that you know
positively impacted you or continue just to reiterate you know what you're
doing it's like wow like you know seeing somebody born and then grow
and then helping them and just being there when they need them and you
know how is that helpful and how's that been helpful for you yeah, it's amazing you know I could look
back in my life and see specific markers when things started to change for bad
and good if I go all the way back but at 26 obviously recovery change things and then when I got when I got married
uh some things obviously start to change pretty significantly but then when kids
come on the scene that that changes that that changes things real fast and real dramatically but
it's it is difficult to put into words but it’s a kid children are a gift
they're not a burden they're a gift and if I've ever seen my kids as a burden
I'm the one that's not seeing things clearly it hasn't changed my kids are still a gift I'm just not seen it
clearly and you know the responsibility and also
the privilege of raising people yeah, it's a lot but I'll
tell you what you know kids are gonna change you quickly and bring out
just Parts V didn't know existed you know they they're going to motivate you
because you're responsible they're going to motivate you because you want to see them succeed and you're gonna have to
constantly grow as well because it's going to be constant new challenges with kids as they grow and New
Frontiers you got to navigate with them but it I like to remind myself as much
as I can that I have three healthy kids I have a healthy marriage an amazing
wife and there's a lot of people that want that and don't have it or have had it and don't have it anymore and as long
as I could just keep my mindset that their gift and it's a privilege it it's
very motivating and empowering and
it's just gonna change your teeth I learn how to be more patient yeah you gotta learn how to communicate
better you gotta learn how to teach in
different ways and so if to do it and do it effectively you gotta you can't just
sit back and kids aren't going to raise themselves You Gotta Be You got to be attentive and growing the entire time
with them absolutely yeah, I thousand percent agree with my daughter and that was one of
the big markers for me when she was born and wanting to be there and I
mean just everything from making sure she has enough to eat getting changed and like little
things like that where it's like I look at myself you know 10 years ago prior to she's four but ten years before
uh when she was born and it's like I never really envisioned myself I envision myself
not getting married not having kids and for all the narcissistic
I wanted to do things the way I wanted to do them I didn't want to be told you're doing something wrong if somebody
did I was just not listening to them and kind of selective listening
selective listening yeah now with so to select the listening I
mean it's funny because you know there is there are times you know
internal family Dynamics you have that selected listening but with kind of my mental illness and the therapy
in in the medication that I'm on it really makes me very focused at as a
task at hand so we're taping this podcast and so I'm very focused on that at
the moment so somebody asked me a question I'd have to outside the podcast I'd have to just take a second and kind
of step out of because this is where my focus is and so sometimes, I find myself where I'm focused on doing something
like legitimately focused and my wife you know asking the question she's like you're not listening to me and now
whether there are times where there might be that selected listening, I do find times also where I am I'm focused
on whatever that is that I'm doing what are you doing on your computer why are you reaching out to people why
like just questions like wait that's not gonna happen for six months why are you doing it today like those types of
things but it's I found that that's also a blessing to be able to have that that Focus because I at one
time I didn't have that, and I think that's helped my marriage being a father
uh Voices for Voices you know talking to people such as yourself that are really
changing the world for good and it allows me to really focus in on
that aspect and now I'll go down rabbit Trails every once in a while, uh
but as long as that Focus like you mentioned is the helping others I like
to think that that's one of my core values as well of wherever the path takes me as
long as I'm helping somebody it may be with a donation it may be with time it
may be like just talking to somebody it may be you’ve given many talks
many speeches and you know being able just to share whatever that topic whatever those experiences are that you
know there's going to be at least one takeaway where somebody's gonna say you know what I went and listened to Erik
talk and I you know he spoke for an hour, and I picked up on one thing and the
funny part is we don't know what those things are we just try to package as much together and just really kind
of hope and that one of those is going to resonate with others
what I already I already kind of asked you know what kind of what keeps you
what keeps you going so for somebody who's maybe at that low point to get
started what steps and I know these aren't like oh well if you do
these you're going to end up you know years later and you're going to be fully recovered and you're going to be on
the up and up but just maybe some thoughts for you know some of our audience members to
let to listen and be like oh okay like I never thought about that or maybe I'll try that and maybe that would be
a way that we can you know share some of that knowledge of yours so if you would jump in there you know yeah
yeah, it's a good question man and you know one of the biggest things that
I would say is you have to enter into relationship
with you have to get a community it was one of the biggest game changes so when I first moved to San Diego
um God just started doing a lot of amazing things in my life but one of the things is he opened up an opportunity for me to
live with some people Darren and Eileen they probably won't listen to this well I mean I'm still friends with them today now they're traveling the country
doing different things they were just at our came and had dinner with my family gosh this was maybe five six months ago
but I'm still friends with them but they were there in recovery, and I lived with them for a while but every single
morning I got up and had my own personal time what I needed to do personally, and I went to a 7 A.M meeting I did that
probably five six days out of the week for the first like nine months every single day I was there no matter what
now you don't necessarily need to go to an AAA meeting every day at 7am to get that but
accountability relationship and accountability to people who have your best interests in mind who are on the
same path is going to be a game changer because you're not if you're really accountable and in relationship
with people who are growing they're not going to let you sit and hide in the corner
they're not going to do it you when we're accountable to people and we're
you know responsible and growing in relationship in a community that in and
of itself I for me personally and I've seen in many people's lives that in and of itself is going to change a lot of
things just that by itself you'll start to get you'll start to experience some healing and some more maturity and
some growth so I would emphasize the two biggest things is I would say
healthy relationship with people and relationship with God those two things there if I'm just going to keep it as
simple as possible those two things there when honestly pursued
doesn't mean you got to do it perfect but honestly pursuing healthy relate being in community and accountable to
people and pursuing that healthy relationship with healthy people and being intentional about a connection
to God there's many more things we could talk about probably on a whole series of
podcasts but those two things right there when pursued wholeheartedly and honestly is an amazing
place to start that's going to begin to transform you in and of itself right there
totally and I tend to think that judging what other
or judging how people perceive us that what you just talked about that that
really takes that and pushes that away like you know I don't I don't care what other people I mean if you're doing
something detrimental and negative and against law like you know that's one thing but it you know just if you're
just moving forward and thinking about oh well I wonder what somebody will think on social media, or this is you
know my friends you know what are they gonna think I think part of part of that is just be judgment free
about you know what a person thinks about other people and say you know what I don't know what they're going through
so I'm not gonna I'm not going to judge them and so I'm not going to worry about what if somebody makes a comment about
what I wore in this post on social media or what I did or if I didn't go to this
event or this cocktail party or whatever that that may be I think that's
huge as well as that might mean removing some people from your life and that's absolutely and that's hard can
you maybe jump in like that like how you were able to kind of get to that
point of okay there's my life now and kind of my circle and now moving forward
kind of your recovery and forward you know those people and you know change
potentially no I'm glad you brought it I want to read this quote and put this on my Instagram recently, but I want to
read this quote and then and then answer your question this is from an author it's pretty obscure author David
Foster Wallace, I haven't read much of his material not necessarily endorsing the author
maybe if I knew more about him but this quote, I just want to attribute it to him, but I love this quote it says you'll
stop worrying what others think about you when you realize how seldom they do, and I read that on you I actually read
that about no joke like I've read that look I think it was yesterday yeah, I put it I think it was yesterday
a couple days ago yeah, most people are they got their own stuff we think they're thinking about us they're not
they got their own stuff going on but at times you get that what you mentioned it
is true you'll get that you know we've all heard the saying show me your
show me your friends I'll tell you your future it's just it's so true and you
gotta just ask yourself are the people that I'm around gonna help me get to where I really want to go
and sometimes detaching from people we've spent a good amount of time around
because I'm being disloyal these are my friends if they're not
helping you stay accountable and challenging you to live better consistently I would challenge anyone's
thinking who's listening are they really even your friends yeah you know friends have your best interest in mind friends
want you to succeed friends want you to be healthy friends want you to live in a healthy way so for me for me personally
I had tried it many times because I had moved all around the state of Utah I had lived out of the state of Utah as well
like I just kept thinking like if I just move somewhere, it'll fix it right now it
doesn't but when I finally did, I moved out of the state to San Diego changed my
number and moved to a whole different place it was it was really a game changer it's really a game changer
because you got a chance to do things over, I'm sure plenty I did it for years I'm sure
people have moved to a different state, and they have no intention of changing themselves and they just recreate the same problems but if you're really
serious about it doesn't mean you have to move either it can be helpful in certain situations but
you know that first initial change is going to be the most difficult one because you've been so rooted in with
the friendships and the communities that you're in the initial Breaking Free is going to be the most difficult but
you'll find I found my own personal life and in others that when you start living right
and people start seeing you progress and doing the right thing they go from
critics to followers oftentimes critics to paying attention maybe by the way you
say it they go from critics to paying attention to what you're doing and listening because they can see that there's and so I tell people yeah
it can't it like to just say oh well just leave your friends it's easy do it now not it's not that easy in some
circumstances it's not but I'll tell you this it's not just worth it it's needed if you really you can't
constantly surround yourself with unhealthy people think you're going to be healthy it's not going to happen, and I understand some of those
relationships may be long relationships it might be difficult to do that it could be, but you got to ask yourself
what you really want you got to ask yourself are these people really going to help get me there and then in the
midst of making that decision and really stepping into new relationships and healthier environments
letting our actions letting the fruit of our life so to speak through the talking has a way of silencing critics pretty
quick yeah and I like to thank my class the other day I was teaching
and we were talking about just budgeting and just had it like a high level and
and so I was telling them you know the first time I heard the word budget is like oh this is like this is a
bad thing it's trying to trying to control me yeah trying to control me it's like well I can't go on vacation I
can't get that new car I can't do this I can't do that and on and on and so
what I've learned over the years is and what I was mentioning to them was that's not the case include the fun
stuff include that blow money that fun money and you know that, and I use the
analogy that you know pretend you're driving down the road and your windows
down and you're just throwing dollar bills out the window just have like an extreme example and just say like
that's okay like so if you want to go if your things you know going to Vegas for
a weekend and you're able to you know control yourself within yourself go for
it if that means you know buy a new car or looking at a new house or a condo or whatever those things are an engagement
ring for significant other you’ll include those within the budget and as
you're talking I was just the connections just started to come together with what we're talking about
is how about relationships with others that we're basically taking a lot of life and we're just we're
inputting things that are what we want what's helping us get to where we want to get to so we may have some
things in the in the budget or in our lives that need to get changed in
some of those they said are long-term relationships and it might take some time for the fruit of disconnecting
to actually show itself and so that that's where I think maybe like to
our viewers and our audience at a little bit of an analogy if you know a budget's not always bad
and our lives aren't bad we just might have things that are impeding us to where we want to go and like a
budget we don't want to take all the fun out of our Lives we still want to have fun but maybe what our idea of fun is
more of a longevity type of a fun than a short-term fund now we still might go
and spend some money here and there and like that that fund money but we know
that we have it and we're not going to go overboard with it same with the people in our lives we're saying
okay maybe this relate maybe I need to cut ties with this individual and
it's going to take some time so maybe you know a year from now I'll
I'll look back and say you know a year ago I made a decision that here's I was
going to put better people in my life and I think individuals might see that
as you know looking at like looking back of what their life had in it versus what
it is now and I think the hindsight's always 20 20. if we knew what we know now back when things were
happening like oh I'm 41 so if I knew things, I knew 41 I would have not
gone through some other I would at least put my input put myself in position to hopefully not go through some of the
hurtful things not only to me but to my family and the people who were my friends are my friends to relationships
and I think that it’s different for everybody so it's not a one size
fits all and I really like your answer to you know having that community of people that are supportive of you and
what you're doing doesn't mean you have to agree with every single thing they do maybe it may be the one thing that
really brings you together is that structure that time like okay I know that this this time I can come together
and we'll have conversation or whatever is going to happen at that point, but we don't have to agree with a
hundred percent of what they do, and I like to think of you know celebrities no matter how well liked a celebrity may
be no matter how many followers on social media how many people attend the concerts and how wealthy they are there
are still people out there that don't like them for whatever reason so for I like to think like myself just like the
average person I can't expect every single person that I meet is going to be one hundred on board with what I'm doing
they might be on board with pieces and parts, or they might want to be in that way latency of that critic and then
slowly turn to oh I'm gonna I'm gonna keep an eye on what they're doing it
happens often so how does that make you feel when that when you started noticing the
critics turning into kind of checking you know kind of scouting you out a
little bit and then potentially being a supporter or follower with you
yeah, it's a good question it's fun to think about I guess I mean um
I it's changed over the years initially it's more difficult because it's
brand new Uncharted Territory for somebody I would say for me now like
you know I don't really care I just so don't care if I'm just gonna be honest like okay every once in a while, someone
will comment on you know something on social media or something and if they're just being
ignorant sorry for lack of a but I mean I mean the forgive me this is not the ideas of our
sponsors this is me, but I'll just say this the idea to that somebody I've never even met personally that follows
me on social media wants to hop on and critique heavily I'm like come on man
like I hope you have a great day, but I owe you nothing I'll just delete the comment and block you it's like I'm not
I'm not here and I've blocked very few people, but I've done it but it's like I don't you don't come in anything
except for to critique me it's like I don't need that I don't even know you I don't really even think twice about it
people who I maybe know a little bit may maybe make a comment or something and you can go back and read through so
sometimes I just comment, and I say hope you're having a good day that's it, so I don't
I don't necessarily owe any I we live in a world where dude we share a lot of our
lives on social media we share a lot of our journey and I do it a lot of people do it so sometimes people can get
the idea that they know you personally and maybe they did for a season or do but just because we see someone on
social media doesn't mean we know them personally and I get like you were saying it's like I you don't need to
agree with everything I'm you know we've bought into this big lie in our society like we can only be friends or
spend time around people that we agree with on everything man that just creates so much Division I
I need to agree with you on everything I can still have respect we can still there's probably far more that we do
agree on you know and we can find that common ground and if we disagree
let's learn how to speak civilly about it but people who critiqued me and then maybe
became have reached out at different points for help or became you know supporters in some way that's great
it makes you know it makes you feel good early on I probably put a lot more thought into it I got much more going on
six five- and one-year old boys I got a marriage you know I got a business to run I got I got more to do than debate
you know sometimes you know people will just be like well
you're wrong about this or something even in person after speaking before it's happened before well what about and
I'm like you can tell immediately most of the time if someone wants to discuss or debate and there's a big difference
if someone wants to discuss if I have the time and everything it's the right, I'll discuss absolutely if someone
just wants to come in hot and just wants to debate look even if they come up and they're
like yeah but two plus two is five okay you're right have a good day see you later
I don't I love you man I don't owe you anything and I I'm not really in the mood to debate so I hope you have a
wonderful day absolutely I think those are great words to for anyone to really just
think about of we have our Lives we have things
that we're doing and so how much stock that we put into
potential things that could be harmful or take me down a negative path that
it's like no I'm going to use this as a tool I'm going to do what I need to do for my business for my family and then
if somebody wants to make a comment then that's great if somebody wants to leave a negative and I and I went through it
when I first wrote one of my books and the first bad comment and I was just
like oh my gosh what do I got to do what are people going to see they're like
they're not gonna they're gonna see all the like positive and then this negative and they're not gonna and that was
like really hard but that was awesome at a time where I was still trying to learn who the real me was not
the not the facade of what I wanted to portray to others that like oh I'm like this jet Setter and I'm doing all these
fantastic things I mean even my wife kind of early on and my recovery uh
when we met, we you know met out one night and so she saw kind of the old
little bit of the old me and so early on in recovery she's like who is this person like you're not as fun as
you used to you know like you're not drinking you're like is this really you are you putting on the front to me
as your wife and now things are much better where she understands
what I'm doing and sees that like where I'm putting again to your point but where your heart's at what
you're putting your what are you tied to emotionally not just the paycheck that like yeah, we need the
paycheck but if I'm emotionally involved then it's something like Humanity I mean
let's just throw that that that's something that can keep us wanting to come back and to help
others and to your early point of you know how you go from one conversation a
tough conversation of listening to the next one it it's that it it's
Humanity you're just coming back to help somebody that needs help or needs
guidance maybe just maybe you're the only person that they've talked to like in a month like face to face or through
Zoom or having those tough conversations with people that are really struggling to I'll just say this sometimes it's
it's less about busting out all the special tools and skills that stuff's all great get as
many certifications grow as much as you can I'm all for that but sometimes just loving people and listening and being
there for them does way more or just does equally as much at least but
I'll say this too man in terms of critics you know I've realized this over the years I heard this quote from
somewhere and I don't remember where, but it was something to the effect you know if you're not picking up some haters along the way you're probably not making
as big as impact as you think yeah there's gonna be critics there's gonna be critics and
you know one of my favorite pastors to listen to Bill Johnson of Bethel Church he says a paraphrasing this may be
verbatim but he also says you know if you're living off of the Praises of people, you're gonna die by their criticisms
so if my identity is rooted in what you think about me if you think good about me, I'm gonna do great the day you
criticize me my world it's terrible it's the worst day ever I don't have any fuel to go on, so you know we grow in our
identity in that place but yeah who doesn't want to be who doesn't want
accolades and be recognized for that of course but at the same time it's like that's fueling me well this per you know
I 10 of 10 10 Praises this one critic over here my day's terrible
yet the majority of people are liking what I'm doing there's this small amount of people
you pick up some haters along the way not trying to, but you know if you're
making a real impact it's a chance it could happen yeah well, I really appreciate the
conversation that we had can you share how people can get in touch with
with you what snacks for you and so people can connect
yeah, absolutely I appreciate that man and appreciate coming on love what you guys
are doing love glad I could just help and be a part of it in some way so there's some changes going on with
what I'm doing career-wise um, so I'll just say this the best email to reach me at that's always going
to be live and active is just my personal email it's Erik Frederickson at gmail
[Music] e-r-i-k-f-r-e-d-e-r-i-c-k-s-o-n at gmail Erik Frederickson at gmail you can reach
me there I spent the last four or five years the bulk of my time working with people
specific to recovery I still do have some clients that I'm working with in that and probably always will at
least a little bit I love it especially people who are serious and really do want to change but I'm moving more and
more into business coaching and Consulting and I've been doing that for some years but now it's becoming the
bulk of what I'm what I'm doing so you know I love I love working with people
who are serious want to change and are ready to change with what they're doing
absolutely yeah and we can't be more happy to you know have you with us for
for the hour and share your experience your knowledge your expertise your
experience your you’re really talking about you know who you are as a human being and getting down to the heart of
you and what made you start on that that path wanting
to have one of the core values is helping others and we really appreciate you spending time with us and
uh we wish you and with all whatever Endeavors that you go into
nothing but the nothing but the best and any way we can obviously remain in
contact we will but for those listeners and audience out there I mean Erik
you heard them and saw them, so I mean he's a he's a great person great guy and what he stands for is awesome and
so thank you again I appreciate it man I do love what you guys are doing and love to stay in
contact and anything I can do to help please don't hesitate man to reach out absolutely great, so we'll close
we'll close there thank you for joining us today I just wanted to throw out here at the
end of our taping do you or someone you know shop on amazon.com
I know myself and my wife do if so, please consider choosing voices for
voices for your charity of choice through the Amazon smile program that is
for 501c3 charity organizations we have the easy-to-follow instructions at
voicesforvoices.org slash Amazon smile the best part is there are zero
fees and it's a hundred percent free to do so once again thank you for joining us
for this episode of the Voices for Voices podcast and a big thank you goes
out to our guest Erik Frederickson from recovering reality and an all-around great human being
until next time I am Justin Alan Hayes founder and executive director of voices
for voices host and humanitarian we hope you have a great day and be a
voice for yourself or somebody in need [Music] [Applause]
[Music]
Please donate to Voices for Voices, a 501c3 nonprofit charity today at: https://www.voicesforvoices.org/shop/p/donate
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