The Voices for Voices Podcast Episode 38 with Guest, Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Advocate, Frank Pomata
Welcome to the Voices for Voices podcast sponsored by Redwood Living
thank you for joining us today I am Justin Alan Hayes founder and
executive director of Voices for Voices host and humanitarian
you can learn more about Voices for Voices on our Instagram, Facebook, YouTube (@voicesforvoices) and our website voicesforvoices.org Voices for Voices is a 501c3 non-profit
charity organization that survives solely on donations so if you are able
to please consider heading over to Voices for Voices.org to help us
continue our mission and the goal and dream to help three billion people over
the course of my lifetime and Beyond or you can also send a donation to the
mailing address of Voices for Voices at 2388 Beckett Circle Stow Ohio 44224
are you or somebody you know looking for a volunteer opportunity
you can reach out to us today via email if you are at president@voicesforvoices.org I founded Voices for Voices to provide a
platform for folks to share their stories with others as we work to break
the stigma around mental health accessibility and disabilities
helping get people to help they truly need while also helping them prepare or
transition into the workforce with the Voices for Voices career center where we
connect Talent with opportunity for both job Seekers and employers alike
from coast to coast and in every industry in job level
today please join me in welcoming today's guest Frank Pomata
so for our viewers our listeners I want to just talk a little bit about how
I met Frank and to share that with you because I think it's a good
lead-in to us here and hearing from him and talk so a couple years
ago was interested in doing something around my mental health whether that was
sharing my story helping others and wasn't quite sure what that looked like
and so from the beginning of Voices for Voices we did we started as a an
event we didn't start as an organization and so through that research of putting
an event together during coven with people who had passionate powerful
stories about mental health accessibility inclusion I found myself
on LinkedIn as I do many days and one of
the groups that I looked at and ended up joining I believe is the mental
health change agents and this is a group that Frank here our guests we'll talk a
little bit about but at the high level it really tries to link mental health
professionals with those like myself and Frank with that lived experience to
really bring the two areas the two groups together and
including in addition to that I did a little research about Frank and
saw some of the things he was doing focusing around Suicide Prevention and
helping others and sharing his story which was truly Voices for Voices he was
sharing his story with others and so I thought it would be perfect to have him
join our first annual Voices for Voices a brand new day event and so he came
aboard via I believe it was Zoom or one of the audio visual platforms right into
Walsh University into the say the convention center that
they have there for individuals in person as well as across the world where
we touched people as far away from us in Northeast Ohio as Australia Singapore
and everywhere in between in the United States so hopefully I did a good job
introducing you Frank so Frank also not only has his story but he has
experience with helping others regarding employment mental health
sharing their story sharing his story and we were talking just the other day about how many times he has been able to
share his story through different media outlets and I think today's podcast
episode might be 33 or 34 on that list so without further Ado thanks for
joining me and the Voices for Voices podcast today Frank thanks so much Justin it's great to be
collaborating with you again and I have to tell you I was honored when we connected and when you invited me to be
a part of that very first event which is now morphed into an organization an
official 501c3 and everybody knows what that means but I know what's involved in creating a non-profit agency so Color Me
impressed and then the fact that you just started also too in recent months doing the employment stuff I am
currently employed for our County Department of Labor and I help people to re-enter the workforce and so sure one
of the barriers to employment sometimes is either a physical or an emotional mental psychological barrier of some
sort something that the person has to deal with the contentment so we try to help them through that you know we're not going to go it's anyone interviews
if you're in crisis you know so yes and sharing my story and you sharing your
story you know it can be difficult I think we were talking about this just the other day you know I have sometimes
gotten cheerful telling my story it's not the most flattering thing when we talk about when we're at our lowest
points and all but you know I think like you I share that sense of mission that if we can help one person with one of
these broadcasts then that makes it all the work worthwhile and I and I yeah
absolutely you're welcome and I forgot to say where you're coming to us from so where are you coming to us from today
I'm coming live from New York from New York just outside the city
about 60 miles east awesome yeah so do you wanna you wanna jump into your
your story as much as you want to get into and then we can work our way through to you know what's going on
today and what you're going to be doing and continuing into the future absolutely
yeah this was a story that you know denial was a really good friend of mine and silence was the rule
of the day when I was growing up when it came to things like mental illness you know I have bipolar let's just put
an aim on it that's what I contend with as well as ADHD and panic attacks
and so these are things though you know I'm a child in the 1960s we did not talk about those things as openly as we do
now about that in a variety of other things and so you know looking at my
grandmother who had what was then called manic depression and my father to a lesser degree that was rather
frightening thing for me as a young person and so that when I started to manifest some symptoms in my teens and
early 20s I desperately hid those things and was terrified it was kind of like
the monster under the bed and it really it took Justin not one not two but actually three suicide
comes for me to realize that if I did not take this
disease seriously it was going to seriously take me I say that slightly tongue-in-cheek but you know we all know
suicide is not a joke but I do try to bring some levity to what is a heavy
message and so with the help of my wife who happens to be a nurse and my mother
my wife actually found me and saved my life I think I told you that when I was in the hospital you
know we had a good serious talk you know and they would deny it today until you know they weren't going to do it but
I seriously thought they were going to involuntarily sign me into the psych ward of our local hospital I decided
to voluntarily do it which was a very frightening thing at first I remember I cried myself to sleep I thought they
were going to tie me to the bed all sorts of scary stuff you know One Flew Over cuckoo's nests and all these other
kind of things came to mind it was not as terrible it was I think I stayed maybe 10 days before it was let out and
then I had to do some things I really didn't want to do my whole life and had avoided
yeah, so how did it how did it make you feel once you got over that
initial fear of when you were actually in in the hospital and like
myself that that's what I thought I when I was like you voluntarily admitted
into a psych ward and those were things you were like okay what's going to happen or like and is somebody going to
try to get in a fight with me like all these just crazy thoughts would go into but once
I guess made it to the next day and saw how things were progressing the
help that there was a team there that was helping it wasn't all put on you know myself or a year or so how did that
start to make you feel just as like initially you know for those out
there listeners viewers that might be going through or have gone through or somebody they know, and you know that
it's a scary time but it can get better and there are people that do want
to help Justin I so appreciate the transparency that you just demonstrated I mean I had
all a lot of the same things it was it was a scary thing it was I guess one could say it was a courageous thing but
it was scary in the moment I knew I was involuntarily confined to that space
and yet there were people trying to help yes some of the other individuals I was
with some were helpful and comforting to me and there were a couple of others that were kind of scary you know
and yet we found ourselves in this space and I was having to as I said
kind of confront that monster for the first time really looking in the eye and say okay what am I going to do here and
you know and they put me on this medication I remember waking up and I felt like I had this sensation of like my thoughts were dulled it was like
somebody put a wrap the giant cotton ball around my head as I described it to my wife and myself and my therapist
when I first started going to a therapist and so you know through that process of that though that was a
doorway a portal though to healing for me and as uncomfortable as it was
crossing that threshold you know taking my head out of the sand and getting out of that denial mode
that I had been in for so long and not living that double life and fear you know I was like a master thespian let me
tell you know I had that smiling depression you know my face was one thing but inside I was in a lot of pain
sometimes you know but I didn't want to stink up the room and like make other people oh Frank there goes you know that
whole Debbie Downer thing and whatnot you didn't want people think oh geez there's Frank and he's all you know down
and he's bringing the whole room down so I kind of almost felt more compelled to
you know address other people's Comfort rather than my own needs and so that is something I'm dealing with too
is realizing that hey I kind of grew up to be like a people pleaser and so
now I refer myself as a recovering people please I've adding a new word to my lexicon no and I'm also told it's
a complete sentence even though it's very hard for me to say the word no to another person who might ask for my help
or something and not try to explain or soften and whatnot but yeah so it was
an important first step when was the point where and I mean we don't
have to get into like days or months or years but what were some of the
things that started to happen when you started to work with your team to
yeah, just kind of address like hey here's kind of what I need to do I swallow the pride a little bit and
and turn into you know I can you know my life can be either over or it can continue and when you decided to
obviously continue but want to look outward and help and serve others which
gets to you know where we can end on kind of that that high note but you know for those out there listeners viewers uh
that maybe at that point like okay what are what are maybe some of the signs or things that happen when I when I start
to either feel better or I'm starting to want to not just always be worried
about myself which you need to be in general just to kind of live you know Maslow's hierarchy of needs you know you
know we have to we have to take care of ourselves before we can help others but kind of in that transition phase what
are some of the things that maybe you started to notice and maybe now you've noticed now that you might not have noticed as they were happening
it's a great question Justin and yes you know that was not an instantaneous
thing it was a process it was a
rough difficult I had to walk across the proverbial coals you know and no one
else can walk across those calls for instance I'm sure you know first person too and I think you know sometimes it's
hard for people without a mental illness to understand you know we say things to people with mental illnesses we never
say to a personal physicalists could you imagine going up to amazing I'm in bed
and I have cancer in here come on Frank just snap out of it you know walk it off kind of a thing and yet we say things of
that Nation to people mental health sometimes so speaking to that transition what I had to do was the hardest part
initially I had to make 26 calls Justin 26 calls just to find a therapist who
would take my insurance I was accepting new patients now I often ask myself
what would have happened you know I had made that decision I was now trying to comply with what I was given the advice
I was given and what I was told to do to take care of myself and now I'm trying to do it and I've got these systemic
barriers that I'm holding up against and I have often thought back into gee what if I ran out of gas I'd call number 26
or by 25 or my wife wasn't there kind of helping me along you know being encouraging so you know there were a lot
of factors that went into this I found I was very lucky I did some research I think that's helpful too is learning so
now I confronted this monster I looked at and says well let me understand it better so I did a lot of reading I'm still doing that and
I wanted to get a therapist but I wanted to find one who I thought would be the most helpful that I knew that there were
different types of therapy is it group therapy is it this I settled on and I thought we would work best for me is
something called CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy which focuses on practical stuff I knew I was doing
self-sabotage sometimes and there were behaviors that I knew that I needed to change and I felt that that would be the
best thing and I was so lucky to have found the therapist I've seen Hillary I say my Praises all the time and well she
asked me to do some really scary things like journaling when you've lived a double life and you've hidden this whole aspect yourself and somebody says I want
you to journal on anything you want me to write all my deepest darkest thoughts so through the process though of
engaging with the therapist started to take meds and that was scary too you know it took time to
figure out what the right cocktail if you will was for me it was different and that's one of the challenges with
medically managing mental illness but through all of that over time and
we're talking about that last suicide was 2012. it wasn't until 2018 so we're
talking six years of me getting to know myself better getting more comfortable that now I began to embrace the Peace of
me that I had been so busy all my life rejecting as I embraced that and said
okay yes, I'm a person of Mental Illness but life's not over I started to look around and think gee
there's a whole tribe quote unquote that I'm a part of and I'm not all that Keen
on how people perceive Us and how they treat us and that's what led me to think
well what can I do about that a lot of people are afraid of doing just what we're doing right now you know uh
public speaking okay gosh if we were up you know in front of a group and stuff some people would just Panic be
terrified of that I do that all the time for my work writing is another thing that comes easily to me but not to
others and so went into early 2018 I said to my family, and I said to my
therapist that I was thinking about writing about my experiences and perhaps even giving some talks that
might be helpful in different venues my therapist and my family were very supportive of that
that's incredible because it didn't happen overnight and I'm in
the same boat as in you know from that Discovery phase acceptance to okay I
feel okay enough to talk about journal and journaling again
to your point and some of our listeners and viewers have heard me talk
about you know there was a time where I wrote down early on in recovery over
120 different things I felt guilty and shame about you know relationships and
this and that and my wife and I don't find it and so that was tough because I wasn't quite at that low
point where I was being or spending the time in the into the
hospital and starting to get well so then it was you know that relationship Feud that was going on it's like oh I
didn't know this and it's like well you know you weren't supposed to really that was supposed to be you know as we you know some things, we just like to put
down ourselves and keep in and then you know either throw it away or shredded but just the instant of just or the
the thought of this getting it out of our head is huge to huge to do so
again family is helpful colleagues friends are helpful but sometimes they might not
understand and it's not saying well I don't you don't understand what I'm going through and you know so I need to
be given like all this leeway and everything I do it's that there are situations
where we do need to be given a little leeway we're not ignoring we're
not taking advantage where it might seem like we're taking advantage it's you know working on our ourselves like well
you're lazy you know you take a nap on the weekend or you no those are self-care things and if my body needs
that then that's why I'm doing it I'm not doing it because I don't want to spend time with you and you know and
those types of things and that takes time so it's not even just us and internally as individuals making those
steps forward from looking inward to outward it's those around us those loved
ones just really almost showing them the actions and so I'm big on I have to show them what I did I don't need to but it's
like no I want to show you what I did and so I still have a little bit of that well look what I did because I feel that
I need to show that I'm doing things that are positive and helpful and so
getting into to that with your line of work with what you do, and you meet with people you know around work
workplace you know reintegration transition and those types of things how do you use kind of your lived experience
expertise when you know some of those hot button issues come up and you can tell maybe somebody is you know going
through like a tough patch Workforce workplace aside just as an individual
they're going through some things you need my first approach always in the work I do and I'm an employment
counselor these days but I spend 25 30 years in human services and non-profit work before that is my most important
thing when I first meet a person is I want to treat them with dignity I address them by their last name Mr. Smith
or Miss Jones first not by their first name I don't know them I want to develop a rapport Sometimes they come in with a
head of steam okay I acknowledge that and I know it's not coming at me and uh
I try to use a little dose of self-deprecating numerous sometimes to kind of diffuse the conflict into
develop what to say hey I'm here to be an ally and really what I try to say
is look unemployment doesn't happen in a vacuum of us have experienced other things
sometimes I have shared situationally I had a young man one time crying at
my desk 25 years old out of work I have a kid wife and I said look I said you're
not broken you're not a failure that's a temporary situation I said I'm going to let you in on a little secret I said
guess what I was on the other side of that desk three times in the last 15 years because of the nature of the work
I did that even if I did a great job in the nonprofit World a lot of jobs are
funded by grants that if that Grant didn't get renewed well hey Frank you know good luck to you so ironically
enough having been on the other side of the desk helps me to do I think the job better because I can relate to
people a little easier as I say a little humor I find and a concern for people's
dignity is super important I have not had a person in crisis but sometimes I
have discerned something and so you ask general questions sometimes a person is not ready to disclose fully to you I'm a
stranger I'm just being them but a friendly face I had some things in my
cubicle like inspirational messages and things like that and it was just sort of like little non-verbal things put on the
pickup on hmm maybe this guy's like a little different from what I expected you know and so if you can get that
opening and develop that Rapport and you can begin to point people to rear sources and say hey look you know what
maybe before we start talking about your resume and job search tips and whatnot maybe there's some other things that we
have to address first you know that might have played a role in how we ended up talking to each other today you know
and I'm proud to do what I'm doing the work I'm doing I I'm helping people still but I'm in a more secure position
I work for County government jobs tend to be tend to be I mean there's no 100 you know job
security but it's a lot more secure than where it was and yet I'm still getting to help people which is always been
something that's motivated me and rather than the money was what was the mission of what I was going to be doing exactly
there's that emotional tie as a human being not just that attachment of the dollars coming in the benefits coming in
will you talk a little bit about what made you want to just start
the mental health change agent group on LinkedIn and enjoy that growth
from you know where it started to a little bit overnight getting thousands
of requests and what that kind of showed you yes and like your own group it's
International in scope now which just blows me away well what happened is you know I like you I'm not on a lot of
social media and I don't like crazy about a lot of stuff that goes on social media and in fact there are actually
articles coming out now that talks about some of the detrimental aspects of social media look anything's a tool it
can be both good and bad depending upon how we employ and utilize it social media is something we're still sort of
getting used to its relatively news considering that and so being
active on LinkedIn I began connecting with other people with the mental health Advocate perhaps in their job title and
making connections sometimes accidentally sometimes persons like yourself reached out to me sometimes I
reached out and somebody said hey you know I love that post that you did can we connect I started though to see this dichotomy
where there were the clinicians on one side and folks like you and me with
lived experience which I came to find out that was the term that we used but I didn't see places I went looking
and I'm not saying that those places don't exist, but I didn't see a for when I went looking for it where both
both groups could be in that same place and have dialogue maybe share hey I just
read a great book or oh here's an article or hey I'm doing a speaking event so I decided what the heck what I
got to lose I'm going to create a group and it grew slowly over the first three years I
think it was early 2018 that I established it on LinkedIn yes the
title is mental health change agents and suddenly though this past fall and I
don't know if I reached it Tipping Point as Malcolm Gladwell talks about the it's got that book Tipping Point or what all
of a sudden one day I get up and I was getting an average of two or three requests to join maybe every two
weeks or so it had slowly grown to about 200 people all of a sudden I woke up one day and it
was like in the hundreds then it went to the thousands well I'm just blown away and I don't know
what and how to have people several people that people have asked me and I said I don't know I'm not sure what happened I said it wasn't something I
did you know the universe something came together maybe someone shared it literally with their whole network it's
vice versa or a bunch of people did but it's grown exponentially and I'm doing
the best I can you know I used to vet people you know individual Univision Oasis and said that individualized a
welcome message I had to back off of that a little bit I've only had a kind of give one or two people who were
sort of violating the group Norms you know the boot but two out of
all those thousands is not bad absolutely and I recommend anybody joining us listening viewing checking
out the transcript seeing the sign language interpreters to check that out and see if that's
something of interest with the time we had have left we got a couple minutes left do you want to share you know
how people can get in touch with you kind of stay up to date with Frank
absolutely the best you can email me directly at
frank.pomata that's p-o-m-a-t-a at gmail the best way
really though is through LinkedIn and reaching out to me you could mention that you saw this particular program
and that you'd like to reach out and connect or you could just search the group mental health change agents and
put in a request to join and I've now got it set to automatic acceptance and I've had a number of people who have
joined the group and then found me and reached out and wanted to connect individually and I have sometimes done
that as well so Justin thank you for offering this farm and the work that you're doing I just want to salute you
for that thank you and to everybody out there you know Frank is available as a as a speaker he can join
your next event virtually obviously if it's a if it's a local you know
closer to Long Island New York for in person and so I recommend
anybody that likes this episode not because of me because of our
Guest Frank to definitely reach out to them and again over the over the
years I want to continue to stay in contact with him what he has going on and include him with being
able to share on the platform that we have here you know locally here in
Northeast Ohio and Long Island New York but across the U.S and across the
world so thank you for joining us today Frank my pleasure thank you so
much Justin absolutely and in those viewers, I might see on the
bottom right hand their screen that we have added a sign language interpreters
to some of our episodes and so I just want to give a quick shout out
to the Kent State University American sign language English interpretation
program and specifically the interpreters we have today are Elise
Miller and Grace Sherman so for everybody out there who has stuck
with us for this episode thank you very much and we also want to give a
big thank you to our Guest Frank Pomata for spending some time with us until next time I am Justin Alan Hayes founder
and executive director of Voices for Voices host and humanitarian we hope you
have a great day and please be a voice for yourself or somebody in need.
Please donate to Voices for Voices, a 501c3 nonprofit charity today at: https://www.voicesforvoices.org/shop/p/donate
#thankyou #justinalanhayes #501c3nonprofit #charity #charityfundraiser #organization #podcast #recoveryispossible #nonprofit #mentalhealthmatters #advocate #disabilityinclusion #stigmafree #erastour #taylorswift #taylor #youbelongwithme #maroon5 #memories #music #guitar #studio #singing #voices #thevoice #sing #epic #alternative #recovery #accessibility #501c3nonprofit #501c3 #abrandnewday #sponsor #legacy #voicesforvoices #thanksbrain #podcast #faith #mentalhealth #mary #jesus #christmas #holidays #motherteresa #survivor #motherangelica #angels #ewtn #stjudes #donatetoday #givingtuesday #givetoday #donate #support #share #gift #human #goingviral #viral #news #media #mentalhealthishealth #theinterview #interview #art #expression #arttherapy #suicideawareness #depression #anxiety
#mentalillness #ronaldmcdonaldhouse #2023 #gala #substancefree
#sleep #nutrition #nontoxicpeople #foofighters #davegrohl #davidgrohl
#taylorhawkins #chesterbennington #linkinpark #recoveryjourney #mensmentalhealth #podcast #project #video #voicesforvoices #501c3 #501c3nonprofit #nonprofit #acceptingdonations #trendingnow #share #addiction #recovery #mentalhealth #addictionrecovery #love #sober #sobriety #soberlife #recoveryispossible #depression #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #wedorecover #onedayatatime#healing #health