The Voices for Voices Podcast Episode 33 with Guest, Builder’s Books for Bruises Founder, Louis Fields
Welcome to the Voices for Voices podcast sponsored by Redwood Living
thank you for joining us today I am Justin Alan Hayes founder and executive
director of Voices for Voices host and humanitarian
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email at president@voicesforvoices.org
I founded Voices for Voices to supply a platform for folks to share their
stories with others as we work to break the stigma around mental health
accessibility and disabilities helping people get the help they need
while also helping them either prepare or transition into the workforce with
the Voices for Voices Career Center where we connect Talent with opportunity
for both job Seekers and employers from coast to coast and in every industry in
job level today we are grateful and thankful to be
joined by Louis Fields as with all of our all of our guests here on the voices
for voices podcast we are truly Voices for Voices no matter
where somebody has come from we've all been through something and we
all find a way to work through that and come on the other end and
today Louis's no exception to that and again we're grateful and thankful to
be able to have Louis here in studio to be the guest today so Louis thanks
for joining us here thank you for having me Justin I appreciate it opportunity absolutely so for our listeners
viewers our readers you have a little bit of a unique story
of kind of coming from somewhere working through things and so where you
are today so maybe uh you can just maybe level set of what some of those times
were and we can go from there absolutely so
thank you for having me again thank you I appreciate this so yes my name is Louis Fields I am currently the Outreach
manager for The Marshall Project Cleveland um with the Marshall Project does is through investigative journalism
data-driven journalism and through Community engagement we bring the stories of the incarcerated we bring the
stories of those who have been abused by the system um it is my job to bring the community
and the journalists together and to tell those stories
so that we are effective, and we are efficient um we also have a magazine the magazine is
called news inside this magazine goes directly into the prisons they the
magazine deals with prison stories with the trials and
tribulations that families go through will be incarcerated um
it's very meaningful work it's very rewarding work it's work that I was really formed to do
my story and my journey has been tumultuous it has also been
rewarding I was born and raised in Cleveland Ohio
um did most of my upbringing in Cleveland Heights wow I was growing up uh my mother would lose
her eyesight my father my mother living together they
would be divorced all these things were things that we would consider bad, but I look at them as
the best things that could happen to a kid through my adversity of me growing up was what shaped me is what formed me
while growing up I didn't have a direction I didn't have a way to funnel
and channel the adversities that would happen that would lead to me actually going
through a path of dropping out of school being a very defiant child
I want to share a story you know because I believe through story storytelling that we have we get so much meaning
um 1998 19 years old uh my mother's birthday is in May
so for her birthday we took her to Red Lobster her birthday and Mother's Day falls like within the same week
so at this point in my life I'm at a point of I'm completely out of control I know
this I'm using drugs I'm rebellious to God I have no direction I've dropped out
in the eighth grade I'm aimlessly just running through life so at Red Lobster of course because it's
Mother Day Sunday it's crowded it is packed it's me my mother one of her best friends couple other friends like a
party eight or nine so when we get there after we've waited for a table and we're frustrated I'm
frustrated my mother's frustrated we get seated the service is terrible they're ignoring us
while all this is going on inside of me though I know that it's my responsibility to do something about it
unfortunately I don't have the skills I don't have the knowledge I don't have to understand the comprehension of what I
should do the way I handled that situation was
I got it from the table I cursed everybody out at the table blame them include my mother
include my mother I cursed everybody at the table I left the restaurant stormed out and I want to smoke weed
that to this day is still the lowest point in my life that is when I knew I had no value
I had nothing to bring to life and I really was like I was suicidal at that
point so my mental health was spinning out of control that was in May
a few months later I would be arrested for killing a man and be given a
sentence of 15 years to life in prison so as I was spiraling out of control
there was this death that was over me this death of identity this death of me
as a man me as a son me as a citizen in prison
I would find life and what I want to talk about today is how we live through death
I apologize to any victims that I have I apologize to the to the victim of my crime and his family I am in no way
using that situation to try to uh prove a point or to try to make light of
taking somebody's life is very serious I absolutely wanted to take my own life
and vicariously through taking that young man's life it was like killing
myself killing somebody that looked like me somebody that lived in the neighborhood I lived in the anger that was boiled up in me
I can remember a moment prior to me being incarcerated with the gun in my mouth sitting there
in my room and the only thought I'm thinking is my mother can't see she won't be able to
clean this up and this is what I'm thinking this is this is the thought that's going through my head where I got this gun in my mouth
and I'm about to blow my brains out is my mother can't see and she won't be able to clean this up so
mental health is so important and this is something we don't talk about
death is a gateway death is a gateway physically when we
die we never come back but there are so many spiritual deaths there are so many deaths that happen every day our
children our parents the pressures of life that are coming down on us and we're all fighting for meaning we're
fighting for relationship we're fighting for identity and we very rarely communicate and we really talk about
death so once I committed my crime took this
man's life ruined this family ruined my neighborhood ruined my family's reputation in the neighborhood destroyed
so much I was incarcerated in the Ohio Department of rehabilitation and Corrections in Ohio
I was given a sentence of 15 years to life while incarcerated I took on the mindset
of that death still continuing in me I had determined that I was going to die in prison it didn't matter anyway
so I took on every negative behavior you could in prison up until the point where
in 2002 I'll be caught with a prison knife and when I got caught with that knife
they were charged with outside crime so I was in prison doing life and him had
an outside charge for having a weapon applied to me and was facing another double-digit sentence
while incarcerated it was the best morning in my life
I was in Lake Erie Correctional Institution because of my behavior my level status
in in prison day judged by your ability to uh wreak havoc and do harm with
security level my security level will be raised I will end up in Lucasville famous Southern Ohio Correctional Facility
in Lucasville because I was in solitary confinement for 24 hours I was in this cage by myself in this cage I would find
myself the Lord will use his cage as a detox this was this would be how I would become myself because I had nothing to
hide behind there was no more gambling there was no more drugs there was no more lime manipulating I wasn't getting
visits it was just me and the Lord and the Lord will use this cage to mold me he would use his cage to show me that
this is not who you are this sounds crazy I've been in prison for a few years already I got
incarcerated in 1998 this was in 2002. this was the first time I realized I was in prison this is when I woke up and I
was in jail and I'm like what have I done in my life like who am I and it was like looking at myself and
not knowing myself so from there
I would work my way down through the security and I was able to be out now so I was still in Lucasville
but now I was able to go into the day rooms go to Recreation go to the child Hall
and this older brother saw something to me I didn't see it myself and he brought me
books he would bring me these books and I would try to read them I couldn't understand them
I couldn't understand he was bringing me he was bringing me stuff by like Plato he was bringing me stuff about Marcus
Aurelius he was he was bringing me these books and I'm like what is this so I would always bring it back I'm like
it's boring I can't read it and one day he just told me after about three or four books he said you're illiterate man
you can't read and I'm like what I'm like I could read what do you mean I can't read say you can't read he said
it's not that the book is boring it's because you don't understand the content the material because you don't have a vocabulary to understand what the words
are saying so since you can't understand what the words are saying you don't understand the meaning so you have no
interest in it it's like a foreign language I'm like what I don't know I could read you're like no
you can't you can't read and I thought I was like functioning illiterate I dropped out when I was in eighth grade so he would give me an autobiography he
would give me the autobiography and Malcolm X so through that he said I am going to start giving you autobiography Cynthia stories, but they are real
and he started teaching about the importance of reading outfit I haven't read fiction since then
nothing against fiction by the rights fiction I'm sure a great storytelling but I have it and he taught me the
importance of politics and the importance of war and importance of philosophy the importance of
communication and he became my first Mentor I had never had a mentor before I didn't know what that meant so
over the course of this training and I'm reading and I'm getting this love for reading now and my vocabulary is
improving and I'm going to get the dictionary this is a classic prison tear everybody in prison is how we start we
go get the dictionary we look up words we'll get the encyclopedia so our guys get out of prison we know so much about everything we got a lot of Jeopardy
information so is this time that I'm building now I get
my status lowered again so now I go down to a level three Institution when I'm at this level three institution
I've changed and I went back to what they call your parent institution my first institution when I arrived into
the penal system in 1999 when I went from the county jail and Cuyahoga County
to uh the ODRC’s custody was Trumbull so
they sent me back to trouble back to TCI and so still guys there and they saw me
and it is like you are different like something's happened like you you're different like you ain't just you're not
the same person and what it was I didn't have the same thoughts so your thoughts make up who you are or
who you see yourself to be because your perception your reality is in your mind so I saw myself as different so I moved
different I talk different I was in different areas so they saw me as different from there I would continue to study I
will continue to read and I was at a point in my life where all I wanted to do is just not get in trouble I still
wasn't really fully changed I just not I didn't want to get in trouble again I've been in trouble I knew what trouble
looked like I didn't go back to Lucasville I didn't want to really go back to the hole so my behavior improved
and then in 2007 I believe it was I could be wrong
about the year I'm bad with years in within the same month
my nephew Seth was born and my grandfather died
that was like this I call it burning bush moments like what Moses said it was
just burning bush the Lord was trying to show me something and at this point I was atheist I still
did not believe in the Lord I believed in knowledge I believed in Reading I didn't believe in God I was the main opponent of God because I couldn't
believe in a God that would take my mother's Vision when I was a kid I hated God I couldn't believe in a guy that
would break up my family I didn't believe in a God that would show me a father that would be
hitting my mother abusing my mother and still be my hero and destroying our family and I blame that all on God so I
hated God but God was like calling me to like this responsibility
he was calling me this responsibility and showing me life and death in this life and his death so I'm still on this
path of me wanting to die me taking this man's life me experiencing my grandfather's death
because this was the first person that had died since I was incarcerated that I actually lived with that I was around
every day that I actually functioned it and everybody was like oh I married that I said I married 18 years I do not know who my Mary is anymore so it's no
disrespect but you know it doesn't feel the same this was the first person that was around every day and interacted with
he passed away patriarch of the family and also I have no children so my younger sister
birthing our first like child of us you know like this is my nephew there was this responsibility to like I don't want
him to be the person I am I don't want him to be the person I am and I start understanding something about death
the reason why we live and the reason why we experience these interactions is that when we die
and we leave physically it's not just the physical it's our spirit it's almost everything that we meant to society that
leaves and that's why we live that's when you feel that's why when people pass away you feel it when you
lose a parent when you lose your daughter unfortunately use you lose a loved one you lose somebody that was a friend that was close to you feel
that emptiness and you understand their value only when they die you only understand the value of my
grandfather's wisdom when he was passed because I didn't respect my grandfather because I hated him because I said well this is my maternal grandfather this is
your daughter you won't do something to my father for hitting my daughter so I don't respect you as a man but it was so
much more to him when I was thinking about how he would educate me about things how he would tell me things and
how useful these things works for me as a man and I saw his value in his passing and I wanted to add that value to self's
life so I saw myself as like it's my turn and I knew I had to change and that change LED me upon this path
and this is what I was talking about that is life through death and I under and the Lord started dealing with my
heart the Lord started dealing with my heart because I started having this for bold and fear of death
I had this for a boat for your death and also of right and wrong
so there's a program called Kairos that's read in Ohio prisons Kairos is a
non-denominational um religious program where they come into the institution and they like
kidnap you for a weekend it's like from Friday to Sunday it's intensive you get up at like seven in the morning on
Saturday you're there all day you get up at seven in the morning on Sunday you're all day somebody signed me up for it I don't know why I mean it's the Lord we
know you know it's divine promise so I said I'll go they give you all these cookies and stuff like yeah so
this was the first time this weekend this is what this is another burning bush moment
for a whole weekend I didn't see anybody argue I come from a very violent background
prison is a very violent place it's a very aggressive place I've always seen people argue I'm an arguer people always
argue for this weekend I never saw anybody argue I didn't argue with anybody nobody argue with me God got my
attention I said he might be something to this guy it might be something to this guy thing
so from my background and loving to read and love to educate myself
I quit my job at wreck and I got a job at the chapel I was blessed that at TCI at Trumbull’s Chapel we had this great
Library I'm talking about DVDs and books and I like read everything in the library I watched these videos all the
time I was always in there watching videos always in there buffing the floor and watching the videos with this old guy so anyway so
this shaped me and started molding me in the ways of the Lord
and I still didn't believe because there was a brother that was a mentor from the
Kairos program he would still come up with like these follow-ups Dale Richardson from Garcia church I don't
know where he's ever God bless him because he's a very patient man because I'm arguing I'm a debater
and he would tell me about this Jesus and he would tell me if I believe in Jesus and I give it all to him that I
can be saved and my sins won't I say look I said that's nonsense that's not
real because I'm reading the Bible but I started in the beginning so I'm stuck in the law I'm like listen I've seen I've
done everything I've done all the commands I'm going to hell so I was I believe that the law was real
I believe I'm going to hell and he would maybe we would go back and forth he was very gentle with me he would try to egg
he would try to watermelon to try to show me the Trinity he would do all these things and we go back and forth
so if I said here read Romans said you're a reader said read Romans so I'm reading Romans
mind you while I'm reading the Bible I'm in my cell because we have sales right so you close the door on the cell
and it's this skinny little window like about this big so when you want privacy you put like cardboard up in the window right so when
I would read my Bible to hide from my friends because remember I'm atheist I'm still not out I'm not out that I'm a
Christian that I believe in the Bible I'm in the cell hide and reading the Bible from my little friends so I'm in there
one day I'm hiding I'm reading Romans I get the Romans chapter four I get into Romans chapter five
something starts to happen the Lord says well the first man Adam fell and brought sin
and death that's what he said and you believe that he wasn't there you'd understand after
the similitude of Adam but I'm telling you the second man who is Christ who is better
he came he died he brought life why don't you believe that still by faith
and it was like Eureka I was a Christian from that moment on in that room crying bust out crying hidden behind the door
for my little friends my evil so-called friends so I wanted to see me read the Bible life is forever changed
mindset was forever changed the perspective that I would see myself see the world see my family see my community was forever changed so
from here now life gets real difficult life is real difficult this is when I
understood life through death the old me
had to die to become the person that can have
and do the things the Lord want me to do I could not do it in my present state, and this was the battle and the struggle
of Romans 6 and 7. this was the battle I was living out in prison because everybody knew me as this Louis
so how can I be this Louis
the battle and the struggle you know I would get teasing oh you're a Christian now you're reading the Bible oh
what is he going to do you are going to be a preacher now what you are going to you know and I mean Like We Grown but this is like you know the sandbox all over again
it's like second grade so it was nothing but God that gave me the
courage of fortitude to be able to overcome that and take that with Grace I know because I know me I know the old me
I know who I am there was never an incident there's no there's no story behind that you know
the transition so I had made this decision
to study and want to figure out who is this guy how does this thing work
from there I would be transferred because I was being on my best behavior, I will be transferred down to a level two
this is where I started with Lake Erie so I would be trusted with the freedoms that happens in a level two you have
five four three two one the lower you get in levels the closer you get the level one is you're going home okay so
now in this level two I'm back in a situation where now I've been I've been given more freedom
to have more opportunity to be connected to the world
there's this stigma with guys that's in level three and level four because these are your hardened criminals these are your older
guys murder cases rape cases some of the most notorious things that have happened and it's not that they're the worst
people as they're thinking has brought them there their lack of ability and skill to be able to do well
it was always this fear of lowering your security because seeing a lower security usually on the dorm now we were in sales
we're in these cages we found all this safety in these cages higher than these cages living in a with a toilet a bunk
bed and a little cabinet you and another guy we would be in here this would be the sale and we live in this bathroom
and you got guys been in these bathrooms for 18 years same bathroom 20 years same bathroom
okay and it's this fear to go like to level two they're like are you going to leave the plantation again well Louis
you know you messed up last time last time you're going again I said I got to go like I realized it was opportunity I
missed it I get it now I want to go to level two I need to be I'm not this person anymore
so I would ride out I want to go to Richland I want to go to Richland which is in Mansfield I want to go to Richland
because I heard they had good basketball I'm still a lover of basketball can't see it now I'm a little chunky I wanted
to go to Richland so I could rub it down and play basketball all day thank God I didn't go to Richland I didn't even put Marion on a paper Marion
Correctional I ended up going out of Marion Correctional there was a war in their name um Miss money
Miss money was like you ever seen the movie Lean on Me Miss money was like crazy Joe
but instead of the bat she used Christianity and love okay but she was Progressive I'm talking about I had
never been in a situation a prison setting where all the cool kids
did good stuff all the cool kids did good stuff and I would see everybody I'm like oh wow like
I can be it was an environment to become the person I needed to be at the right time life is about timing so the death
that I needed to happen to the old man was made space was made available in Marion to do
that without shame to do that and it didn't take a lot of Courage it was a very easy push the Lord blessed me with
that Grace so in the course of that year I would take more programs than I've ever taken
cognitive behavior programs so that Congress Behavior started really affecting my mind started learning about
myself start learning about how to control my emotions start understanding who Louis is and where do these things
come from and it was a great beginning to the new me so but through this that
old guy had to die there was always a struggle it was always a struggle of right around it was always a struggle of how you handle this situation
with the new mindset and the old mindset and I wasn't always great at it so
there was this vision of who I wanted to be and I
saw it in all these guys that were up and down the hallways and you know they were really important
and they were really doing work and they were leading programs they were creating their own programs they were involved
with the staff like the only thing I knew about the staff was if the staff come I'm going in handcuffed I'm in trouble yeah so now there they have
relationships with the staff because they're building solutions for Crime they're building solutions for re-entry
and I want to be one of those guys and when all of those guys had work they had like a briefcase
they either had a briefcase or a folder and they walked around with a briefcase or a folder all the time they always had
a briefcase of what I saw they was always walking and it was important I said hmm so what did I do
I cut my hair down low I started putting pins in a little shirt I started putting pins I hit my pants up
I got me a bright red folder in prison you can't have red okay so passion color they don't let you have no red shirts no red clothes
but you have red folders I got a red folder and I had notebook paper in it I didn't
have nothing in my folder yeah nobody knew what I had my photo but it was a folder it was a folder and I started
walking like they walked yeah and lo and behold I will start getting approached like Hey brother do you know we got this program
we started you want to come and watch these videos and I start I'm like okay and I started getting like adopted by
this whole new community of positivity this whole new community of solution and change me and this fake red folder with some
pins in my pocket like a nerd it's a notebook paper
so from Marion that that was a burning bush moment another burning bush moment
it is where I went into marrying the old me died the new me was created from
Marion I would get transferred to Grafton Correctional Institution a Grafton Correctional Institution
I went there for one thing and one thing only I was going home I decided when I went
there I wasn't leaving and when I left I would be going home when I left that gate that was in 2009.
so because of the crime I committed I had to see the pro board so I had to earn my
freedom I was not just given a date to be released they did not just kick me out of prison like oh we are through with you did 18 years you did 12 months
so I had 15 years with the opportunity of parole after 15 years okay and on the
other side of that 15 years was death so if I didn't earn my parole I would die in prison
yeah one time one chance no well it wasn't one chance what it is after 15
years in 2000 that would be in 2013 the pro board saw me okay and it's a call
here to give you a parole board here so what you do is you have an opportunity to bring whatever you have done to show
your growth and change whatever family or community support you have you get to present your case of why you should be
released in 2013 I had my first Hearing in Grafton I had taken programs I was there I was
changing you know I was doing some positive things
I went up to the pro board they continued me five years so in 2013 I received a five-year continuance that
five-year continuance was essentially the Pro Bowl I didn't see it at time it's the thing about life you never know
anything you know in time it's always in reflection is we have this discussion am I talking we won't
understand what I'm saying until we look and reflect on it yeah so in reflection I see now the parole board was
communicating with me it said Mr. fields we know you have opportunity to leave here we're going to give you five years
to figure it out because you're not there yet okay so with those five years
I exhale got super busy I'm working I'm a leader now I'm doing all these things
on help facilitate programs I have genuinely become one of the red folder guys now I'm authentic article now I'm
the guy I'm really one of those guys through all this time the Lord would always give me mentors these mentors
would come into my life I'll follow them around they would get a parole they would leave they would go they would come and go always under mentorship
my father was sick my father gotten sick my father was in my life my father gotten sick he had Ms and turned out he
had undiagnosed mental health he was bipolar this explains a lot about the volatility of my childhood now but
nobody talked about the stigma mental health in the 80s you know 70s so got diagnosed he had lost the use of his
Limbs and I knew he was dying there's no doubt my mind was dying and I had this great Passion that I would get this
parole 2018 it was my time I was going to go home and take care of my dad
so I got there 2018 I had like this many papers I had letters papers all types of
recommendations turned it into the parole board I went I had to hear and I sat in the
seat and we talked we spoke they gave me a three year continues no
so 2013 I got a five-year continuance they said I'm not ready 2018 got a three
year continuance they said Louis you're still not ready I knew what that continuance meant though
I knew that continuous meant I would never see my father alive so
when I got that continuous I was at what they called a reintegration camp which is the best place to be when you're in prison I was that means I'm at level one
now so remember we go back yeah Adam I've gone from you know in prison customer Lake Erie get called a knife
outside case Lucasville Walker I am at the creme de La Creme okay
okay we got we had a TV channel in prison okay I I've made a sports show that was recorded like I'm at the crap
I am at the at the mecca of where you want to be if you got to be in prison
when I got that continuous I made a decision I said Louis you have taken every program you can
take you have done everything you can do and my last Mentor went home
I got the time April he went home that month before and I was looking for because this was my habit from Lucasville up I would have
a mentor I was like a little duck I'm looking for the next Mentor I'm looking for the next guy to take the pebble out of his head
I couldn't find anybody now my only yard walking I'm talking to the Lord
and it's just me and him he said it's your turn you up you need to Mentor now there is no
Mentor for you now okay you have changed you have went the old man to the new man you're strong enough you're wise enough
wow now remember I just got this through your continues so often through your continuous family very disappointed I
could feel it because the difference in this continuous and the last one was they knew I was changing it felt like it
was almost there like you could feel the energy like he is going to actually come home from out of this death he is going to
actually come back to us reborn and it's like three more years
and I was mad yeah because I knew in my heart I was supposed to help people I
was supposed to help kids I was supposed to find kids that were like me that were confused and help them and I told the
pro board that yeah I told him I was going to do that and God said do it I'm like what I just
got three years I am not going to be out to do that am not going to be at home to do that the answer can't do it Louis like do it and that's not realized you
don't need anybody else to lead you need not to take control of your own life and you need to develop systems for others, so I did the opposite of what
anybody would think made sense I chose to go from a level one
re-entry institution to a level two I went back up in levels on purpose I
went back into grad so it's two sides to graph that we call it the walls and the camp so I went from the camp to the
walls the more stringent the sales and whatnot why did I do that though I knew in level
two I would have freedom of time I understood time I don't have freedom of time to design
my own plans at the camp I was so engaged with working for others and being a leader with so much expectation
every day I never had time to do that and it was enough I have outgrew prison
it was time now for me to develop something different it was a new level and when I went back in
the only mission was to figure it out was to figure it out
and it hit me watching Batman crazy of all things I love Batman the
Batman where he gets thrown into the cave will bang I don't know if you're familiar with it with Batman the one with Bang the Batman with Bang
when he got thrown into the cave Batman got thrown into prison because he was a criminal Batman the movie has Justice to
it he had lied they had the Harvey didn't act they had put all these guys in prison under a false pretest so he had to go to prison he had to pay Bank
threw him in his cave it was supposed to be the worst prison on Earth and all this and nobody escaped but one person a kid
so while Batman was in prison he was broken he was in the cage and I saw myself in
Batman because I love Batman and I said he's a criminal and I'm like Batman get out of this I know he is
because he Batman he got to I mean a movie came in with him in jail and his back was broken he came into
jail broken and I saw I was broke but he kept working and working he had mentors
he had his doctor was helping and was talking he was getting information while he was in his cave as to how to get out that's all he knew was how to get out
and the guy said why don't you just die and he said I'm not supposed to die here and I know I had that same feeling and I
could I was relating through this movie through Batman so the only way to escape from this prison was you would climb up this wall
it's this big tunnel this hole and this would be light up there you would climb up the wall you would get to this certain ledge and then you have to make
this leap you would have to make this jump and catch on if you catch on you climb up and the things you throw the throw the rope back down and release
everybody else I saw myself in it I said Louis you the example you got to work your way out of
this and you got to tell these people you're going home not just guessing there's no more guessing you got to tell them you're
going home in 2021 yeah because you have to be the example and that is part of
your parole one of the criteria is your release how will your release affect your peers that is part of the criteria
for parole and I understand why it's there yeah I said look you have to be example of excellence in here
so Batman tried he tied the Rope up had his little bag of stuff because he is going to get out so he's ready he had a
little bag he tied his rope on he jumped he missed, and you hear oh
crap he would fall because he had the safety rope he had the safety rule because you didn't want
to die yeah God forbid you don't want to die now you want to go to jail but you don't want to die remember we were talking about death through life
life through death I'm sorry so he tried again he would try a couple
times Batman would try this movie every time he trying I'm in this movie I'm crying during the movie I'm trying not
to cry now so I know he's going to get out and I'm seeing them all this and
it's just this imagery and I'm seeing my life I say oh my God so you got to get out
and finally he got the answer he said I thought somebody did make it out so nobody can make that jump
I said that jump was made in desperation that jump was made because their life was on the line
when the child jumped and escaped from the Cave the child did not have a rope on the Rope stood for safety the Rope
represented there'll be another chance the Rope represented Louis if you go get two years to be okay you'll come back
I said oh my God that's it you got to jump without the Rope and that's when all my fears all my
anxieties all that got pushed aside I was full go and Batman got up there and he didn't had a rope this time yeah
he had his victims he had his little bag and he jumped without the Rope see when you jump without the Rope
I got to make it you have to I make a decision there is no choice of failure that's what God was telling me to do
with and in that moment I would design two programs that would be life-changing
programs that I would teach amongst my peers the first being called Builders rebuilding families and communities as
we rebuild ourselves it's a restorative justice program based on the principles of Howard zier Howard zier teaches
restorative justice through the module of that crime is a relationship
breakdown crime breaks relationships crime is a breakdown of relationship
I teach my Builders program from the relationship that you have with yourself your family and your community all crime
is an identity crisis and that old man has to die so the man can live and that's what I focus on I only focus on
identity and ego because that's where we're at if I see myself as different I'll act different
if I have the skills to behave I will behave if I have the skills to communicate my message to you if I say
well Justin you hurt my feelings and my feelings is hurt I'm going to punch Justice and no I'm cool I'm punch Justin
to notice he hurt my feelings because I don't know how to come tell you hey you know I thought we were all
right we were out there we're on camera you made that joke about my mom I'm blood like it kind of hurt my feelings I
didn't think you would do that in front of people and be able to say oh it had a communication kids don't have that
that's why they hit that's why two-year-olds behave horribly they don't have problem solving they don't have frustration tolerance they don't have
the ability and the skills to be able to navigate the world
so you go back to Red Lobster in 1998 I was like a two-year-old that's why I threw the temper tantrum and jumped up
from the table and cussed everybody out so now through Batman
through Batman I've learned how to get a parole all my teaching came and like
encapsulated in Batman like everything I've ever learned it was like the Matrix I was like it all came I took the right
pill it was like Batman show me take the Rope away so through Builders I started teaching my peers
about Community engagement about responsibility because responsibility is
what I did responsibility accountability is what I did it does not matter what my
mother and father did right those were the circumstances in everybody's life you got a bunch of decisions that are
made without you and these you showed her you showed her his responsibilities where you were born what kind of mom you
had where they send you to school would they beat you whatever happened God forbid somebody would touch you or they didn't touch you nothing nobody hugged
you those are responsibilities of the world and you show me those then there's the decisions you make for yourself and
you showed her those responsibility is when I say you know what I'm only dealing with what I can hold
what I can touch what happened and I got to move on right that's when you get responsible and that's what had
to happen it wasn't worth my dad wouldn't have done that if my mother wouldn't have done this and that's what Builders teaches Builders teaches
responsibility and you that responsibility leads to community engagement so the purpose of Builders is that you
would be the solution to your problem so you're talking about men that committed crimes the worst crimes on Earth I took
a man's life I could never bring that man back but you know what I can do I know there's other boys and girls that
are just like me going through the same things I'm going through having the same problems I'm having and they have no one
to guide them so the whole principal Builders is that through focusing on self
family and community and understanding the relationship and understanding that you have a responsibility to do right
that remorse is not just oh I'm sorry I'm sorry you're crying remorse’s action remorse results in either restitution or
uh actual action step to make whole that's where books or bruises came from
books or bruises is the intervention I needed when I was 10 so that man would
have lost his life so I develop books for bruises because reading through books yeah this is
Michael Gladwell’s outliers this is where I got the principle of the ten thousand hours rule, I'm sitting there on
the rack this is probably like 2012. because I was listening to Dave Ramsey a lot on
the radio and Dave Ramsey taught me about stuff I did not know how to create a book list because I was reading all these books, but I didn't know what a
book list was and you said oh you go into the book If you like something in the book you look where they got that thought from where they built it on and
you go look at that book so something was said in the book and they got it from outliers
from Michael Blair was out like so I went I'm a remarkable Outlast fell in love Michael Gladwell he opened up my
mind to how to view the world because he challenges your worldview he'll show you
something like we're standing here in this perspective he'll take you from this other side and show you a different side of it I never thought about it like
that and outliers is the story of success and he's showing success from a different standpoint and he mentions the ten
thousand hour rule which is very famous now that if you do ten thousand hours in anything you become an expert you become proficient and master it and I looked at
my life I said Louis you've been you're going to you almost been in jail longer than you were on the street and when you're on the street he
was a fool so you didn't know nothing so you might have had like seven good years like you don't know nothing your ten thousand dollars is a nonsense and
foolishness yeah so I said wait a minute though because I'm a Salesman I don't buy
bullcrap I said wait a minute that's not true you've been in the belly of the Beast
prison I'm I know prison so I'm going to learn everything I can about prison it's how I got my position at The Marshall
Project because I understand the prison construct I understand growth and change from the standpoint of community
building community building for a guy to destroy the community that's what my programs are about so I said I'm an
expert at this and I owned it I owned it I ran with it and so
from Builders to books or bruises I don't believe it's anything you can bring me not challenge anybody to this
day I challenge you right now you tell me your problem I will put together books and from those books we can learn to change your life
I believe reading for Change and that's what books of bruises about it's an intervention where we read for change
because if I give you this book right now if I give you outliers you tell me you're going through something you got a
pain point you got something that's messing with you that's keeping you from being the best father the best
husband the best son you can be the best person you can be I don't care if you read all 300 pages
of this book How does how does it help you that's right let's just go here if this is the chapter that's interesting
if from this story from storytelling if we can take this story we can apply it to your life and we can get change right
here that's reading that's reading and comprehension that's what that man was telling me back then it has to mean something to you this is why kids are
suffering in school we force them to read this stuff it means nothing to them because it's not reading for change it's not answering any of their pain points
we're just throwing it at them so these are what my programs are and this is this is what has come to the
intervention of my life and I noticed a solution for others
so remember watching Batman I learned how to get out now I'm coming I'm going home
I'm the head of re-entry I'm the headache I'm the chairman of n a I'm all
over the compound okay I got I got something going with everybody in every direction everybody knows even
even medical I tapped in the medical all right so everybody knows who Louisville is
I'm excelling my parole board hearing date is coming I've created Builders I finally got it
on paper I got it approved I got my little give you a room to work out of and everything in the ODRC which is a blessing that we get to create inmate
ran programs and then actually take the things we have learned have a platform to apply them while we are in
prison to prepare somebody here so I got it all rolled up I sent it home my
dad said I'm proud of you when the first times you ever say you're proud of me hmm
60 days later he would die I knew I wasn't going to see him no way I knew it but it's like as soon as Builders was
there I was like he died and I was like he got to see it he knew his son and created something that would help others he saw me in a new light he got to see
because I understand now my father wasn't always the best person he might have wanted to be but he always wanted more for me and he got to see that
glimpse of his legacy through me that my son would do more than me and I think he like he was oh he left so
through that death it was life because like now daddy is not there so now it's really like it's you
it's you you're grown now you're grown you got you got to figure out you got your program you got to figure it out
this is the next leg of the journey you got a parole to get prepared for you got you got to go out here and prove it
I'm moving and grooving the ODRC allows you to bring in guests okay from the community to prove that
you're doing something this I mean it's great it's like it's brilliant it's brilliant re-entry in Ohio is light
years ahead of Most states and so I'm bringing in these guests and I realized that you know what
but 2020 we're going to bring in 50 guests sounds crazy never been done before in Grafton
now I'm talking about the state we're just dealing with Grafton me and my partner Lonzo Queen I said we're going to bring in 50 guests to re-entry so we got
all this planned we got guests lined up every week every Ranch and Coalition from Canton from Cleveland from Youngstown we're bringing them in
February of 2020 we had a unique opportunity the Cleveland Cavaliers came into our Institution
and we all know what happened in March of 2020.
the world shut down this other thing covet came into our lives so I got 50
guests lined up in prison this is my way to get out this is my way to prove everybody I got this program I come back and work for you I can change people's
lives I'm going to sell myself to all these people pitch to them I'm going to bring them in they're going to get to see the guys other guys can get the picture had
this whole plan through re-entry gate was closed plans thrown out the window
it affected the whole world we all shut down so now we're just walking around in circles
because everything's shut down and I'm telling my partner I said don't be afraid I said the Lord going to bless us
in this I do not know how yet because we're screwed yeah, we're screwed we're clearly screwed but I said it's going to be a
blessing in this and over time I'm like well we're America we'll come back in three weeks
I'm talking to my um program but the faculty in Grafton that's
like over my programs and I am like they are like well Fields it does not look like we are going to come out of this like we think because they're knowing stuff
I'm not knowing now they're sitting from this like this might be really serious and I'm like what I'm like coping like women that don't happen to us out of the
China we're not we are men we know that I'm happy here yeah so now we've been locked down for like a
month and a half we've been like a month and a half so now I'm like wow this is serious
so in the course of you getting these 50 guests in I got these contacts
so what I started doing was I started calling people and saying well it looks like we're going to have to cancel for August we have to cancel and all these
people who have been so busy and I was like it was so hard to find these people like this it was a lot of perseverance and contacting these people because it's
not the first time right I'm the master the cold call I don't know if you filming with Albert Ian gray the common
denominator of success yeah I read that the cold call I said hey you know what this is how it's done you got a prospect
so I might contact 12 15 20 times so when I started realizing is that
these people are at home now they have time for me I'm getting through them the first time and then after we talking like you want to call
back I'm like oh I'll call back yeah but yeah, I went to the emails coming right back and I'm like
I'm having my sister's shoes like my little secretary my baby sister I'm like she texting and it's coming right back so I'm like wow
so I said wow wait a minute well you were going to bring them in here but remember I'm ready to put you out
here you go out there to them and everybody's terrified you know this is your business that covet changed
everybody's life it will never be the same so these people they're terrified of what's going to happen and I'm preaching hope
so I was able to make these bonds and connections on a personal level that would have never been possible if
not for covet and this was the blessing in covet and I was still able to inform these relationships in these bonds to
the point where when I was whenever my parole boarding I still had the support letters I had the relationships but the
relationships were on a different level now they were personal and they were so poor personal that the Lord said you still got to do it I was
able to put on three in-person events from prison during covet
this woman sitting over here Angela Huggins was a huge Catalyst in that my beautiful wife beautiful wife
she was the passion in the fire that pushed me she was my legs my arms my
ears you know so the ability to do that changed something
in me it was jumping without the Rope it was not having any fear I would meet a man
by the name of Tony Fleming he would record my growth and change the story I've given you this is the very shortened version this is worthy as I've
been got over 12 hours to this about certain situations of my growth and change recording that and having that
out there on Spotify and apple with his mental toughness calls you know what Mr. Fleming was able to do was to show me
myself and show me how important my story was yeah and to be able to hear yourself is like amazing and
storytelling and communication and media so that's my why yeah
this is the reason why I do the things I do it's the reason why I'm so passionate about it's the reason why I know reading
can change everyone's life improve vocabulary because the thing about change that's so funny is once you
change you realize you're the same person I'm the same eight-year-old whose feelings used to get hurt I'm the same
fool that showed out at Red Lobster and embarrassed everybody and cursed my mother out the difference is I have the
skill to be the best me I have the skill to be the Louis I was meant to be not the Louis that
sin has shapes and that through the death of the old me now I live
and that my progress can bring life to others and this is what it's all about so I
would have my parole board here in April of 2021.
and I got released I did it I got it I knew I was going
home so
the moral in the lesson is you have to recognize the old you have to
recognize the old mind frame and you have to put new inputs in only way you can get a new outcome is with new inputs
and my life has been a learning process of taking away deadness and implying
life and new thoughts and those new thoughts only come through life and through the resurrection of Jesus Christ it only comes through understanding that
faith and having that face shape and mold you and take away all that that used to be there
and that's what I hope for the world and I'm through Babylon no that oh my gosh that that's captivating uh I love it I
love books um and with my daughter that's something my wife and I that we tried to do and
she's out of daycare we call it school we try to read and just have that have
that time and see from that small age because that was something that I
picked up a little bit later in life like well I don't want to sit down and read but then you start hearing like
well what makes this individual different how'd they get to where they got there's you know there if there's a
you know a spiritual side of thing you know if somebody believes in God or whatever that is there has to
be something that takes them up to that 30 000 foot View and they can look at okay I'm
getting out of my head and I am going to start looking at what is going to happen in six months in a year where am I where am
I going to going to be and that what you laid out was many times of not just looking
at today's like okay whether it's a year or five years or One Parole uh Board
hearing or two you were taking things like okay the next time I come back there's going to be some time in between
that what can I what can I do and you're getting you're getting those mentors that were coming along the way coming
and going and coming and going and through your uh through the story and it
got flipped over I was like okay now I am the mentor now I got to be the person I got to be
helping people I got to be showing them the way and although our past is a
little bit different I uh for my mental health story I had to come to accept that acceptance and I think
that's kind of where you're at we're like the death brings the light it's like I had to come and I had to believe
whatever I was and the things that I have done the relationships that I
wasn't the best at and times I neglected family and all these times where
uh I had to accept it and I had written down I think 128 different things and
like I feel guilty that I did this and I didn't do that and I and it was just like oh my gosh like here are things
that were just like dominoes in in my head and so I had to take a step back
and accept it and then I went into the hospital in one of the psych wards and
in those five days I was there were no cell phones it was it that was I'll say the best time but that
that was where I hit rock bottom but it was the best time because it went from not just me trying to tackle what
was going on but it was a team it was like okay now I got people it's not just me and Google trying to figure it out
it's okay if I had to take medication okay I will so I haven't had any alcohol
or substances and going on in six years and that was like so thank you so big in
my life I wouldn't if I travel like I'd have to get you know have to have many drinks on the plane or that would just
be what everything was about and now it's like let me take that energy
and do something that that's good and people were like well like you're talking about three billion people and
you're talking about like all these big things uh but it's like I got like kind of like you got you have a lot of
energy and I'm sure you've heard the quote the people that believe they can change the world are the ones that
do absolutely and you have to believe to uh to
to make that make that change no matter how small or how big so we only got a couple minutes left how can people
find out about Builders and contact information you can contact me for uh
Builders workshops for books of bruises workshops uh the email is Builders dot
books for bruises gmail.com b-u-i-l-d-e-r-s Dot
b-o-o-k-s-f-o-r-b-r-u-i-s-e-s
gmail.com or you can call me to book me for a public speaking engagements for
workshops uh for four at four zero 836-2066
um what I do essentially is I take books and I literally beat the shackles off
the mind's eye so that you can see your worth as Justin was saying we're here to
accomplish things bigger than ourselves if I'm only going to feed me that's nothing
I should set this table so others could come and partake and they can be fed that is the purpose I didn't know it was
said by Walt Disney he would take his plans around to people he would show them to him he'd be like if I didn't if
he didn't find 10 people they said he was crazy he wouldn't do it so think about that let us have that
mentality don't allow people to form and shape what your mission is and this is
what books are bruises and what Builders does and the why I do it is because lies are at stake the young men and women
that are out here destroying others and killing themselves they're not doing it because that's who they're called to be
they're not doing it because that's how God wants it that's not true I don't believe that he's a Giver of Life and of
abundance and a given a multiplier of fruit and we are his fruit and his creation he wants us to live the reason
why this is happening is because we are not investing in the skills so that the kids can have the will to be able to
live and be who they are and this is what I do I interject myself into their lives I hear their stories and we apply
the South and the books is what heals the bruises so it's like absolutely
thank you for joining us thank you appreciate it absolutely so much and thank you for joining us on this episode
of the Voices for Voices podcast again a very special thank you to Our Guest Louis Fields until next time I'm
Justin Alan Hayes founder and executive director of Voices for Voices host and
humanitarian please have a great day and be a voice for yourself and somebody in need
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