The Voices for Voices Podcast Episode 27 with Guest, Helen Pengelly from the United Kingdom (UK)

Welcome to the Voices for Voices podcast sponsored by Redwood Living

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thank you for joining us today I am Justin Alan Hayes founder and executive

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director of Voices for Voices host and humanitarian

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you can learn more about Voices for Voices on our Instagram Facebook YouTube

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and our website voicesforvoices.org Voices for Voices is a 501c3 non-profit

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to please consider heading over to our website to help us continue our mission and the goal and dream of mine to help

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three billion people over the course of my lifetime and Beyond

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please welcome me in joining today's guest all the way from the United Kingdom Helen Pengelly thank you for

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joining us today Helen oh hi Justin I am incredibly happy to be here great we're so excited to

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to be able to have the opportunity to chat with you be able to go through your experiences and helping others and I

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know it's going to be awesome for our audience our viewers or listeners who

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check out our transcript everywhere to tune in and really learn from

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somebody that has gone through things as well as coming out on the other

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side is helping others as well as being not here in the United States for our

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domestic individuals that are going to be checking out this the Voices for Voices while we are based here in

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Northeast Ohio in the United States we do want to help and reach out to as many

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people across the world and we're so thankful for you to be with us today

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thank you for asking me you bet yes so yeah let us go back to

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what caught my attention first off was that you like helping people and whether that is you know donating money

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donating time I saw in early 2000s that you were a math tutor and

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you wanted to help out can you just go into maybe a little bit about your background of

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helping others and where that comes from yes well

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yeah, because I became a teacher in 2002 and I was going through quite a

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challenging time in my life I was going through a divorce and

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I didn't I suppose at that time it was like I just you just think okay well once I'm

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out of this marriage you know it was an abusive marriage and get me and the kids out there then

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life will be fine.

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and then I left teaching after three years and I had a business for a while

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and I and I learned how to meditate and that changed my life and so it

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was my oldest son I was having problems with him he'd started drinking heavily and

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doing drugs and then I learned that I couldn't do much about him you know he's on his journey.

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his path through life but you know I have to that it was okay to look after myself

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and I had just you know didn't have to put everybody else before me and put myself last

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wow how hard was that to take that Focus from

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others a high percentage of the time to be able to look back and say I'm not

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going to be able to really help others and to be my best if I don't look out for myself

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well because you know I have three sons and so my oldest was you know he

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was getting into trouble and say that he was drinking doing drugs and I was rushing around to try and get him help

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but until unless he wanted help and he wanted to do that himself there was

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nothing I could do and I realized well I've still got I've got to two younger

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sons that I need to be looking after as well and if I'm spending all my time on him and trying to get him help that's

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not fair on them and I'm getting exhausted as well and I haven't got enough energy left over for them

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yes, and how did that impact

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not just the meditation he said that changed your life if you could maybe go into a little deeper about that but then

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also the cooking and gluten-free and how maybe that impacted here in

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the United States we might call it a little bit of an alternative method of helping that you know outside of the

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the medications that would say okay well this is something that's different but it can help others so maybe if you can

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tie the meditation kind of help that breakthrough came about and maybe how

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the how the cooking and some of those other areas were helping you and you

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we are starting to find out that hey I could help others yeah well, I at the end of my first year

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of teaching I was diagnosed with celiac disease so that's why you know I had to then go

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on to a gluten-free diet and so this was say nearly 20 years ago now and there

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wasn't as much in the shops as there is now and so I

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decided to set up a business selling gluten-free food but good quality stuff

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that you wouldn't get in the supermarkets because you know a lot of the stuff you buy in the big shops is

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all mass produced and it is full of rubbish and so on that journey I

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learned a lot about health healthy eating and nutrition and about how our

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food is produced and about the food industry as a whole and it's not all very pretty and so

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and through having that business a lot of people would come to me because just because

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oh yes because they wanted the food but it was more than that it was because I was somebody who understood what they

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were going through and I realized a lot of people were actually finding it quite hard because I was when I found

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out I had to go into a gluten-free diet I was relieved because I found I knew what was

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wrong and I knew there was something that I could do because I'd been really ill and I knew here was something that

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I could do about it and my grandfather had had celiac disease so I knew what it was and it was whereas for a lot of

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people it is I think it is more well-known now but back then you know people find out and they've never heard it heard of

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it before and it was like please what do I do what do I do and so I used to

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you know I had a lot of other friends that I met like in in like local business groups and networking and

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it is through that that I went to a workshop with some people who did

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spiritual tours and so they did a workshops and meditation some chanting

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some breath work and movement and all that kind of thing and then I just the next morning I just felt so calm and I'd

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never felt like this before and so I thought oh there's something in this and so I just sort of went you know

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seeking and a class or somewhere I could go and find out more about it

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and then one day I was out shopping and there was just a little flyer by the till when I went to pay about a

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meditation class starting that week when my and it was when my boys were at Scouts so I didn't have to worry

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about babysitters and things like that so it all just like fell into place and so then my oldest son

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left home and that was a he well he ran away and he disappeared for a while and I didn't

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know where he was and so but of course there was nothing I could do about that because I hadn't didn't have

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anywhere contacting him so I thought well I've got to look after my younger two sons and I had to look after myself

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and I think that was because there was something in me that must have known that this was going to help

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because it was still quite new but there was just maybe some kind of deeper knowing some kind of faith that that

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I that I kept going with this and because and also the people that I met as well they were just

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very open nobody was judging you know if you were going through difficult times and you felt that you could just

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be open and talk about things that were going on and nobody's going to think you're a bad person or anything so

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yeah so that was sort of how I got started really and this was a Buddhist group and so

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this was about 2006 so there weren't any apps you know we can have

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smartphones then so you couldn't just download an apple go and listen to something on YouTube to go and learn

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from a real teacher and I still say that if you want to learn to meditate these things aren't a substitute for

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going and learning like the Buddhist teacher I learned from he'd probably be

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meditating for 20 odd years so you can't get that in a six-week course or

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just downloading an app you get because that that person if they've been they've

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been through their own stuff you know like we were saying before or it is like then you use these tools to help you

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go through things and it and I say to people meditation it's not like a magic wand it doesn't make all your problems

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go away but it change it changes how you deal with them, and it is like Wayne

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Dyer said wasn't it when you change the way you look at things the look the things you look at change

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yeah, that is fantastic especially back in the time without Smartphones

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without the apps that were so heavily reliant on that you were able to take

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something that was happening and you just kind of went with it nobody was telling you hey Helen you need to go in

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this direction and you need to do these five things you were just going in the direction that you felt that you were

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being led in and I'm just guessing they you started to feel a little bit better it didn't solve everything but

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maybe in certain situations it might have helped out be a little bit less stressful maybe thinking at about some

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things at like a higher level instead of being kind of as I like to call it in the weeds of the tactics of every

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little thing still dealing with those but being able to take a step back and I find that it that's

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something that I I've learned and it's not something that well there are classes and apps out there it's not a

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One-Stop shop you mentioned that you can't go and fix all the problems and

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maybe one day it's now that we have smartphones and apps maybe one day it is using an app maybe another day it's not

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and that there's no wrong way of going about things I I find and there's just lots of

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lots of information out there that says you must do this and if you don't do this this won't help you do these 10

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things in this order and what I'm finding more for myself and then talking

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to experts like yourself is that it's a combination of things what works today

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where you might be you might be at home today and so there might be things close to you where that are just easier for

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you to get to when your mind gets at that spot or you may be traveling or you may be doing other things and that might

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put you in a different position but having those tools available to you and knowing kind of when I'm when I need

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this when I'm in this location or when I'm in this thought space Here's how I go about it can you maybe just touch on

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on that just a little bit more on the it's not a One-Stop shop that you know make situational dependence individual

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dependents who's around if you're watching your children there might be a little less time so little ways of going

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about that

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choose them but as a because they are a terrific way to like to support your practice

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like once you know you've got you have a teacher who will kind of teach you and

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and guide you but then you've got the app you know like I use it for a timer and things like that and then it just

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take taking that pause like you said it just helps you to like take a step back

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before you just go into your habitual patterns and old ways of reacting because most of what we do is

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unconscious and we don't even think about it so it just gives you that

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you know that opportunity the Buddha call calls it the Gap and it's between

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you know something happening and you reacting to it so but most of the

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time and most of us we just like something happens on boom We instantly

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react to that without even thinking we think we maybe we are but

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but most of the time it's just it's just habitual based on the patterns and conditioning that we've built up over

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over the years the things we were told when we were children and but whatever you know then it's like

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this big layer of stuff that you're gradually you know like might have heard the analogy it's like peeling off the

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layers of an onion you peel off one layer and then there's still more underneath and until you get down to

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sort of who you who you really are and but you know it's

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you get glimpses of it along the way and another thing that really helps me is going on Retreats and I go and

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because as I said I love cooking and I get to go and cook at a retreat center and volunteer and just hang out there

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and learn from great teachers and get away from phones and emails and just

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have a bit of space and be in nature so yeah you brought up a great tool of Retreats for those out there

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that are seeing this hearing this I know when I when I was younger

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learning about yoga it was like this taboo thing it was just things out there

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not ever like who does that why would you go do something like that

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it and now it's very much mainstream just as a topic as well as

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Retreats and I think Retreats maybe at least I know when I first heard about them I was like oh like what do they do

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like what are you able to do are you going to be secluded away from everybody can you maybe just walk through like

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what a what a retreat is and what the things that you like about it yeah a

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little retreat gosh there are so many different types of Retreats out there

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now lots of people doing them what I like it is it's

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just a tight a chance to slow down and just reducing the amount of input

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because we have so much input and information coming at us you know these

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days because we we've got you know computers Internet TV radio books you

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know printed materials as well and much so much now that we just get overwhelmed

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and not maybe not even and sometimes it is not until you stop it is

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like you realize pretty exhausted because we just keep going we keep going we keep going and

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and then perhaps you know have some unhealthy habits to try and get through the day but drinking too much caffeine

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or sugar or whatever which is not really very good for us either and then at some point you know the body or the mind is

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going to say hold on that's enough and then it's going to have an impact on your health and that I mean and I think

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you know since the pandemic people are realizing that now that we just can't carry on like that and you know we've

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got to have better more balance in our lives and work it is like

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it's kind of it's very Western thing as well isn't it about being productive being busy and almost like

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having a bad when it's a badge of honor I'm so busy at the month I'm so stressed and all this kind of thing whereas

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actually that's not a good thing yeah and I equate it much like the is it

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the Industrial Revolution where machines were brought in and able to be

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programmed to do things much faster much more efficient reducing the need for kind of the human being to be in in the

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manufacturing process in some instances and I think that at that point in the

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mid to late night 1900s when that was occurring it was great because oh we can

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do things faster it's less for us to produce so we can charge less and so

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our consumers will be happy but I think a lot of that is kind of that I don't

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think I know a lot of that has gone over into where we are today with what the pandemic really brought to

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light things were happening before the pandemic of we can do more we can I have my phone

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let me just check my email let me check my text messages let me let me just do one thing let me say at the office an extra few minutes and beat the TR and

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let the traffic go and we're fine all these excuses and in our minds in the

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end we are not built like machines are we are focusing our bodies used to be

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more in that Hunter gather standpoint of hunting for the food and Gathering the food so more in that physical sense

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and as you know we're more using that mental muscle and that the brain

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and as individuals and humans we weren't kind of designed like that and so

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making that transition is huge so making the change in the body is big and then

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if you take an individual like URI with ADHD in in working with people it

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just makes things like you said it just layers one thing on top of another on top of another and I know from my

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experience it took me or actually I came up with 138 things that I felt

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guilty about and kind of my life that little thing I mean nothing illegal I

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always have to preface that on the show you know with relationships and blowing off you know family

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get-togethers to do things more you know I want to party so I want to go out and hang out with my friends and do alcohol

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and drugs and those types of things where now being a little bit more

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productive and using that energy that ADHD energy that I had where I was doing

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kind of not so healthy things now I'm being able to do things like this being able to talk with yourself in the United

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Kingdom to hear about things that are happening for us as human beings no

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matter where we're at or how many miles away we are no matter how we speak

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how we look what politics all that aside we are just human beings trying to get through this, and I love just the

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way you transition into that that appealing of that onion the

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the onions there whether we believe it or not and then dealing with it and at

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what point do we do that and for myself it was a crash ended a five and then a five-day Hospital stay inpatient

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and then with the treatment and things that I am still doing on here now five years later and others maybe

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it's similar or maybe others it's they're on that journey and they're

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finding unimportant things of like is it supposed to be like this is this what we do like is it is what we do in

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life supposed to always just be attached to a paycheck or is it also supposed to

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be attached to kind of that emotional of like we want to we want to like what we

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do not just what a company tells us like oh well here's the company's mission and vision and goals and here's

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your spot here and so I found myself in that kind of that corporate outlook for many years

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and now finding the emotional side of things and being able to talk human to human about wow like I'm not alone that

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was the first thing I thought of the first morning I was in my inpatient stay

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at the hospital was I'm the only one that's dealing with this I'm the only one that's gone through a situation and

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then when I sat around and there was probably about 10 other individuals we went around the table and why are you

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here and each of us went through and I was like oh my gosh even in my deteriorated State I I was finding

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myself like wow like I thought I had it bad I thought like what was going on with me was tough and it is but when

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you hear other people it is like oh my gosh like I can relate to other people as human beings

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so how did healing with Helen start

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right well after I closed my shop selling gluten-free food and then I

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went back to teaching and but I knew well that was just to earn some money because I wasn't really sure what I

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wanted to do and I I'd had some coaching and I was quite interested in in becoming a coach and when I went back

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into teaching because I'd learned to meditate it was a very different experience and I

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was and I was just thinking why didn't I learn all this stuff when I was doing my teacher training and I

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could see how you know coaching learning to meditate and mindfulness and

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things would be it would help teachers I mean they start they're starting to do it with kids and things I think well there's no point in doing it with the

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kids unless you teach the teachers because the teachers are just going

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around reacting and not understanding why they're doing things the way that

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they do and I think you know because when I left after the first time

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when I left teaching I've done it for three years and I just couldn't like you were saying we're not programmed to sort

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of this work and sit down at a desk for 40 hours a week and I just

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had this kind of sense that I could not face another year although you know every there's a lot of variety every day

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is different in teaching of doing another year of teaching the same curriculum

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and where every lesson is kind of planned out and you just pick up the textbook oh and this is what you do

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today and I just I just felt stifled and even the classroom that I was in just looked out on a brick wall

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so it was and as I went on and I thought oh no

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wonder I was struggling of course nobody was talking about mental health back then either and

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I did not even realize you know that I see after everything I have been through

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with my divorce and everything being a single that of course that was going to have an impact on my mental

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health you know it seems obvious now looking back and so when I went back in you know I worked as a

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substitute teacher and so I went into lots of different schools

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and I could just see the common things that were happening that teachers were going off sick because obviously I was

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in there to cover for them and they were just also stressed and I could just and I could just walk into somebody's

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classroom have a look and I think well no wonder this person's ill they're just but you could tell they're probably just overwhelm would be papers piled

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everywhere bathroom's a mess you know and but everybody's so busy and there

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wasn't really any proper support so when I went and did my coaching training my

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idea was to do this in schools but it wasn't really

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they were sort of like some of some people could see that this

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would be a good thing but as an institution they had not really caught up so when the pandemic hit and then I

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couldn't go into schools anymore that that sort of gave me time to rethink what I was doing and that's when I

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decided Well I because my I did call my business Happy Teachers so then that's when I changed it to heal with Helen

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because it's like you said before we're all on this journey it's not a one and done thing that we do something and it's

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like so I feel that I don't heal people I support people in their own journey of

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healing themselves and dealing with their staff and then last year I

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realized well I was pretty sure I had ADHD and once I didn't really know much

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about it which is crazy really when you think I've been a teacher all those years it was just like if somebody said

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ADHD you just think the stereotypical hyperactive boy running around in the classroom and creating havoc and so and

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but I could see when I started to understand about it more that the things that I had been doing

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like the meditation especially really helped and because I had a good

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understanding of how my mind worked and a night you said before about we are

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so disconnected from our bodies as well and I you know do a lot of yoga I don't

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teach it but I do yoga myself and I went and meditating as well and connecting

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with the body in this adult sense of what's Happening you know because all our emotions we feel is a sensation in

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the body but most of the time you know we just stuck up in our heads and thinking overthinking so then that's

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kind of evolved over that over the last year and because I I'd have to take some

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time out myself because I just thought oh I need to just take a step back

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regroup figure out what I want to do and of course then understanding about ADHD

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and the brain going at a million miles an hour and having lots of ideas and you

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know as in the past it's like then difficulty following through or starting something and not finishing and I

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thought right well now I'm just going to I'm going to focus on the meditation and coaching to support people with that and

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so it makes you know and I think oh I could do that and I

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could do that and then I just have to come back and say no just remember what you're focusing on and

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so that sort of involved and I have been coaching some people with ADHD and

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teaching them how to meditate with great success really because I've I know the

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challenges that that people are going to encounter and I think you

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know I've seen things on social media and some people

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saying oh meditation is harder for people with ADHD well it isn't because

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it's it okay yeah you might have a busy mind but it's perhaps you don't really

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understand what meditation is and I'm thinking well if ADHD had been a thing in the Buddhist day I'm sure he wouldn't

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have gone around saying to people well you can't but it is going to be really hard for you because you've got ADHD

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it's just about working with your mind and whatever's present in your mind and the truth is it's like okay yes I

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think I've got a very busy mind but I don't know what's going on in anybody else's mind it it's just about you know

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what's going on for me and my reality and understanding that and working with that

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yeah, I I've found through my therapy sessions

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among many others and I don't know how much research has been done on it but enough

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that my therapist was talking to me about it was or is the fact that

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people with ADHD are not just people struggling day to day that there are

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doctors there are attorneys there are people in very high specificity jobs

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they have to be super focused at what they're doing and what I've found with myself tying in that when I'm

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working on something I'm super focused I'm laser focused if somebody's reaching out and my wife she'll say you're not

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listening to me and if I'm focused on something then it's a little bit

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tougher to get through so when I learned that the Not only was I not

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alone but there you people that may look at in society

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as like oh here are the top Echelon of people of whether it's what how much

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they make or what they do and my therapist said you know doesn't that make sense would you do you

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want a surgeon to be in surgery and be focused on like 10 different things or

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do you want them to be focused on that one thing it's like okay this is the one thing I need to do I'm not going to

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worry about all the other things my training is going to come in and I'm going to do what I'm asked to do

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and so I think that that is one thing that that taking a step back of just

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learning that you know they're I'm not alone and there are people in high would

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call high functioning and whether some people like those terms or not but you

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know people that are they're going day to day they're in recovery but you know they're people like you and I that we're

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finding ways to use our talents with what we have and really it's

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everybody has a brain so the it's not that oh well I have mental health and

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you don't and she does and he doesn't that once we kind of get people on that

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page which to your talking about institutions is so true that you could

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talk to One instructor or one principal or a head of a school

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and they're on board but not everybody is or they're on board but the board of directors and like who's really

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making the decisions and I've found that that's as tough as an individual

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trying like I'm trying to help people here you know I don't have an ulterior motive except I want to help people so

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why would we be any different if we have money appropriated for program XYZ why

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wouldn't we add a little bit or use some of that for this individual who is passionate about what they're doing and

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they are not going to really give up until the task is at hand is done if

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they need to coach three people for a course of a year they're going to coach those three people for the course of a year if they're going to coach 10 people

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they're going to make the time to do it once they have kind of those marching orders because it is

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something that they resonate with that it's not just the money it's okay does that connect with me as an individual

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because at some point work is going to no matter what work is it's going to

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get to a point where it's going to be mundane at some points it's like oh

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like it's really what I'm doing worth it am I really helping people and so when you have more ties to it besides the

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dollars and then you have that emotion and tied to it makes things easier plus we are living it and that's one

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thing I've really I believe not looking back like we say hindsight's always 20

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20 looking in the past when I was in in school I didn't realize at the time but I

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realized now that I love the teachers the instructors who had lived the situation who lived the content in the

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textbook not just we're going to go through this you know 14 chapters throughout this course and we're going

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to go over the definitions and the processes and that's great but what I

32:52

found was somebody who actually lived it I'm going to think of those experiences and those are going to Care carry with

32:58

me much further many years into the future than what definition and

33:03

chapter two of my marketing book said and so when I teach now as an instructor

33:09

that's what I try to be I say you're a little bit of an ego but it's like you

33:14

know you're not going to come across an instructor that is like me because I'm living what I'm doing and I'm living

33:21

what we're going to be talking about the if you if you want to come to class and just learn the textbook you might have a

33:27

little bit of a difficulty because if that's all you're trying to do which is it's great in this sense but that's not

33:33

going to be what's going to take you five years in Into the Future so you know what I don't remember much about

33:39

the textbook I remember that one experience or that one marketing plan that that instructor did and that's

33:46

why I love what you're doing because you're living it you're the instructor you're the person that somebody can go

33:53

to in in not just as an expert but somebody who's living that of saying

33:58

okay she's an expert but she's also living it so she's not going to just try to push you know one idea or another

34:05

you are going to reach into your toolbox of everything that you've learned and you've been through and you're going to

34:11

you're going to share that with others I love that approach how does that

34:16

make you feel when you're helping others when you're connecting like you said well it just energizes me really it's I

34:25

can have a I can have a you know a day when my ADHD sort of like me I struggle to

34:34

get started on anything and all you know I've got I feel like my brain's all over

34:39

the place and then but when I've got to coach somebody it's like boom I'm there it's like when you're saying that hyper

34:44

Focus my stuff goes out the window and I am there for them and I think well also I did my coach

34:52

training I did was well it was all about that it was about you know being aware of how we are when we show up to

34:59

coach somebody because that's going to have an effect on them so if you all have it you'll and then of course I used

35:05

a lot of that when I was teaching as well once I learned this I said yeah of course if I go in and I think this kid's

35:11

a bad kid then what's going to happen they get if unconsciously they're going to know that

35:17

and they're going to act that out so if I you know it's like you so then you just start you can just you engage the

35:23

imagination and just imagine you know your coaching teaching or whatever it is or if it's a client of even if it's

35:30

somebody you work in a shop and it's somebody who comes into your shop you just imagine this is a human with an unlimited potential which everybody has

35:37

and anything that they do that's on skillful or unkind is just their stuff that

35:43

they're acting out because that's they don't know any better and when you know like before you know you change

35:49

that Viewpoint it just makes life so much easier and it just makes it easier

35:55

to be kind to people and just be more understanding and doing the same for yourself as well you know because we're

36:01

not perfect we're just trying to muddle through life and to be happy and we make mistakes but

36:08

then it's like yourself some slack and saying that's okay you know I

36:15

wouldn't speak you know and it's looking at the way you speak to yourself and think well would you speak to a friend

36:20

or a small child sometimes the way you speak to yourself and if you wouldn't then well then that needs to stop and

36:26

cut yourself a bit of slack that's so it's so true have you found I mean

36:33

besides the pandemic itself or are there other I guess macro high level factors you

36:40

think that is really being a negative force on how mental

36:47

health is in the UK how it's perceived and like the suicide rates and

36:53

the addictions we have here in the United States and even in specific in in Northeast Ohio and different areas

37:00

different Pockets where it's tough and we want to see more let's

37:05

see more things done we want to see people help we think that oh that is just a statistic of some other area that

37:12

that's not in my neighborhood or that's not somebody that that I know how

37:18

has I guess how do those factors factor

37:24

into like what you're doing does it come up in your conversations are you are you finding that the news

37:30

and it's like so super focused on things or they're turning away

37:36

well I have not watched the news for years because it's just you just

37:43

gives you a very distorted view of the world because you just think yeah you're not saying that bad stuff isn't

37:49

happening but there's lots of good stuff happening as well but it's all very sensationalist isn't it and I think

37:57

you know and the way certain people are portrayed it's and you know that people and I think

38:06

things are changing slowly to become more compassionate it's you know realizing now and especially as

38:12

neurodiversity’s being more talked about and realizing that how that's impacted on kids who struggle

38:22

to like sit still in the classroom they're more likely to end up would you say the substance misuse or end up in

38:28

prison or getting into trouble with the pre with the police because they have been

38:33

misunderstood and I think you know it's it is

38:40

well it's dealing with the governments it's always difficult I was not enough money but it's like trying to get

38:47

across that actually and this is what I was trying to do in schools it's like well actually if you invest in your staff okay you think you haven't got the

38:53

money but actually you've got to save money if you do that because if they don't go off sick then you haven't got

38:59

to pay the other teachers to come in or recruitment costs when they leave instead of trying to recruit new

39:05

teachers why not look after the ones that you've got and but you know that's one example

39:11

because that is an example, I know well but you know I know for my own experiences and the challenges I've had

39:17

with my mental health it's like dealing with some of the services now

39:23

you're thinking well if you didn't have mental health problems before you certainly do now

39:29

you know dealing with Mr. I've got to tick all the boxes that well we don't all we don't fit into boxes you

39:36

know and thinking that just because physically you look okay

39:42

then you can you can do anything but it's like and the kind of language

39:48

around people who you know calling them scroungers if they're not working and whereas there might be a valid reason

39:55

and the reason we pay our taxes is so that we can then have that if we need if

40:01

we are sick if we are unable to work that that support is there when we need

40:07

it and we I just hope you know at some point that that's going to change and we

40:12

stop judging people and just give them give them support and again it goes back

40:17

to what we were saying before about you know that it okay if you're ill or

40:23

you're disabled or whatever you're not a valuable or productive member of society and it's like well

40:30

we're all human we all have value and we offer that in different ways and it

40:35

doesn't necessarily have to be through work yeah I completely agree and it comes

40:42

Just the Way Treatment comes in different forms the mind and the body or can do different things one

40:49

thing that especially with Voices for Voices it is it's not just people like you and I that are able to speak and

40:54

communicate and able to do things that way somebody might communicate through ART and that might be how they

41:01

they communicate they might not be able to speak or that just might not be a strong suit of theirs or playing music

41:08

or doing sign language that that's it's so true with individuals that were

41:16

individuals and there are certain things that we're able to offer there's certain gifts that we have and it's more just

41:23

about finding them and then working with somebody that helps us find them if

41:28

going back to the teaching if the teachers are all you know negative or trying again put everybody in a box and

41:35

and going that route in an individual like oh they're trouble maker it's like well maybe because they need

41:41

to be their skills and their gifts just need to be brought out a little bit

41:46

a little bit differently so if somebody is able to do draw and do things

41:53

that is their way they're they communicate and that's the part that I love definitely about my

41:59

organization but people like you as well the ears taken you're finding like what can I do to help you what

42:06

aspect can I reach into my tools to my experiences and help so whether that

42:12

is you know the cooking whether that is helping with the coaching and I

42:18

saw here that you are also you use comedy as well you have in the past and

42:24

can you speak because I think that's a perfect example of it might help get across and might resonate with somebody

42:31

exactly well I realized when I have not actually, I did wake up

42:39

the other day with like lots of ideas and because I haven't really got back into it since the pandemic

42:46

you know because everything was closed and I used to go going to open mic nights and I realized now when I

42:53

first started doing it was learning about ADHD it was I was dealing with

42:58

some strong emotions and being feeling rejected and things like that but I've

43:04

been able to see the funny side of it and saying you know and

43:09

seeing how other people interacted as well and just seen as humans we

43:14

just like the way preachers of habit and we do these things that don't make any sense

43:20

even though sometimes we know they don't make any sense but we still do them anyway and that's just really funny

43:26

and I think it helps not to take life too seriously as well because we you know we're meant to be here on you know

43:33

while we're on this planet to enjoy ourselves you know not saying a hedonistic way but

43:39

but we're all entitled to be happy and have a good life and

43:46

and that's not you know like selfish thing to do because if ever you know if

43:52

we help people be happy then it makes the world a better place for everybody yeah it does a thousand percent agree

44:00

and then you're also an author as well so I you're very much multifaceted so

44:08

whether it's through the spoken word through the comedy the helping

44:13

reaching the NATO's experiences putting those thoughts and ideas on

44:18

the paper and into book form can you just speak a little bit about

44:23

how that how you got started as an author and somebody out there might have

44:28

an idea like why Journal how do I even get started well I just self-published a book and

44:36

I've got lots of other books I've started and haven't published a wonderful ADHD thing it's like oh yeah

44:42

I have got these ideas, or I get bored after a while but

44:47

but at some point, at the moment but again like I was saying before yeah all

44:53

these ideas and I'm thinking right it's not helpful to be trying to do too many things at once

45:00

and let's just focus on at the moment is the poaching and the meditation and then the next thing leading out of that I

45:06

want to start running my own Retreats and so and I just feel yes I'd like

45:12

to would like to write some more but at the moment that feels like a distraction to me so it's

45:20

it's for me it it's where I I've got to make the best use of my

45:28

time and my energy and I think you know going back to what you were saying before about the fact that we're

45:35

not as connected to our bodies anymore as we used to be because we mostly you

45:41

know we're looking at screens we've got we're up in our heads a lot and I think you know this time of the year for those

45:46

of us that live in the in the northern hemisphere when the days are shorter and darker and colder it's and it's also a

45:53

time to naturally slow down as well and so I try and honor that you know

46:00

and I recognize at the moment I'm like some nights I sleep for 12 hours and that's okay I'm not going to try and

46:07

push myself anymore because I realize that's what I used to do and now I can kind of feel it sometimes I feel oh that

46:14

I'm pushing this or doing something because I feel obliged or that I ought to you know that's not to say you're

46:21

avoiding your responsibilities but at the same time it's sometimes helps to look at well what's the motivation

46:27

behind me doing this and is it really the best thing for me I want to take care of myself

46:35

so I don't because I'm just there's one you know you as you said hindsight is 2020 and I look back over my life and

46:43

see all the times that I've burned out to not knowing about ADHD and things

46:48

like that and trying to do things like everybody else was doing and which didn't work for me so now I understand

46:54

that I think well I can be mindful although it's not always easy because you feel like there's precious from

47:01

outside and the people that don't understand but it's about you know

47:07

having the boundaries in place and just knowing that yeah to Value myself and that my health and my well-being is just

47:14

as important as anybody else's yeah a thousand percent are going to

47:20

agree because I like you there's times where my body just my knee

47:26

rejuvenated and that's if it's extra sleep that that's needed then that's

47:32

that's what I'm going to do and it is it's hard to share with others about or like oh

47:38

he's just being lazy like he's sleeping till this time it's like well I it's a

47:45

to your point looking back of all the times like try to keep up with the whoever keeping up with whoever the

47:52

celebrity or whoever the family or the friends know and like oh well we're

47:57

never going to be able to do this because you know you're just too lazy about it instead of just saying you know

48:02

what they're doing what's healthy and what's right for them and that's going to lead to a longer life I think

48:08

it without and I'm not a I'm not a doctor but just I think Common Sense would show that if we're using our

48:17

time wisely that there's going to be some time where our body does need to heal and repair itself there's

48:24

all kinds of research now on how the body does rejuvenate at night and they

48:30

talk about beauty sleep and that that's really a thing and then

48:36

kind of dovetail back to one of your points about that we are we tend to just

48:44

do things just because like well I do not know like I've drive to work every day and I don't remember how I mean I

48:51

drove safely but I don't remember like which route did I take and because we're just so in our head we're just so into

48:57

the patterns that were that that we're in and it takes me to one of the

49:04

one of the books I read I can't think of the author but I remember the title it's called thinking fast and slow

49:11

and it is to that point that there are certain things that we just do by habit by Nature that and there's

49:19

part of our brain and part of our mind that does that so when certain things come up you know how to we go based off

49:25

of our experiences of how we've handled things before and then there's other parts where we might need to take

49:31

a little bit more time to dive into a topic or an idea and so I take a step

49:36

back from both of those to say I would rather take the time that my that I'm

49:43

able to dive into certain topics to be as focused as I can but I need to be as refreshed as I can to be able to do

49:50

that if I'm trying to go through all these patterns and go through try to dig

49:56

deep into a topic or you know explain to a new therapist especially for me

50:02

when I've over the five years and things happen so therapists they

50:08

retire they move different areas and it's hard because for many reasons what

50:14

I found is I get so I get so exhausted you know tell me him tell me

50:20

tell me why you're here you know what brings you to therapy and it's

50:25

it is like can you just look back on the notes of like the previous therapists and so

50:34

that's just an example of kind of working with a professional but also working with family when families ask

50:40

questions like why you are doing this one thing like you are not going to be able to see what happens for six

50:47

months maybe you're working on a project and it's just not going to come to fruition for six months but if you don't do these steps within the next couple

50:54

weeks or a month or so then you're not going to have the opportunity to have that chance

50:59

and I find individually that that's tough even to this day of why are you doing that why you're just

51:07

sitting there on your computer and I do need to take more time away from it but explaining that and that goes into

51:14

that that that just takes extra energy into my mind and so if I need extra sleep extra rest then that's just that's

51:22

just the way it is it's not that I want to be away or seclude myself it's just that's the story My Body repairs it

51:29

itself so I just love how everything you're talking about it

51:34

resonates with myself and here in the United States and with you

51:40

and the United Kingdom that we are individuals, and we just need to

51:46

again to your point be more compassionate to others you know would we would we treat our we speak to our

51:53

family members our children the same way that we're speaking to somebody at work or whatever that may be and I

52:01

find myself just thinking about that like would I want somebody speaking to my well she's going to be four but what

52:06

I want somebody speaking to my daughter when she is able to be in in that the

52:12

age of really being taught to in the schools or would she maybe need a

52:17

different approach and I find that just being a parent that one parent like has a certain set

52:24

of things and their mind works one way and one's another and never in a million years would I think that I'd be the

52:29

parent that is more focused on the emotional side with my daughter that

52:34

would I have thought that my wife isn’t, and she is and both are but there's times where

52:40

she'll be at a gymnastics class and there'll just be a lot of noise and a lot of sound and it'll just overwhelm

52:47

her and one day she didn't want to go into class and I said like is or like

52:53

is all the extra noise bothering you because we were moving from one place

52:59

to another so she was used to a little more quiet when she was doing her class and now it was just many more classes

53:05

many more people and she shook her head and said yeah and my wife's like you're just putting that

53:10

thought into her head and I said no I know from being on the Spectron the

53:17

the low end with the way lights and sounds how those things can really get at an individual and so just because I'm

53:26

41 years old and she's three years old doesn't mean that we'd be any different just means that I'm just trying to help

53:32

with some of my experience that maybe might be able to help or to say like you know I you know I'm your dad but I

53:39

relate to you with this and it just I love the approach of talking

53:46

about you can't just talk to the students you have to talk to and get through to the teachers the people that

53:53

can really get that content spread out because you teach in each individual

53:59

then you're working through each family each family member whereas if you talked

54:04

to a head of a school then things can be a little bit more uniform in in sharing

54:10

that and I just want to thank you for everything that you've done that you are

54:17

doing your approach your even

54:22

speaking with me today you know many miles away to talk about yourself your

54:28

journey what you're doing and so I guess yes I decided to close like how can people get in touch with

54:34

you Helen and find more about you hey well I've got I do Post regular

54:40

guided meditations on YouTube and that's just youtube.com forward slash here with

54:46

Helen my website is currently under construction it hasn't

54:53

well the I did I thought I'd put it live but it's still not working so it's something else we need to sort out

55:00

but that will be here with helen.com or you can email me hello at heel with

55:07

helen.com as well I love that email address yeah all the answers I have

55:13

to say it slowly and I am on LinkedIn as well Helen Pengelly

55:20

and I want to say to our viewers our listeners that's how I met Helen

55:25

through LinkedIn we did not have the connection before then and

55:33

so that might be a way the individuals can meet others and with like-minded of

55:39

liking the content like in the background just to have a conversation it doesn't have to be a podcast doesn't

55:45

have to be a show it could just be a conversation of just being able to connect with somebody and know that you

55:51

can reach out to them and again have them in their your network that you might be able to share a contact and you

55:59

might be able to help them and they might be able to help you and I think that

56:05

that that was big for me just getting over that hump of you know just reach out and see you never know what can

56:11

happen and look a month or two later from just an ad is a connection on LinkedIn a

56:19

couple messages getting scheduled and here we are and I

56:24

again thank you so much for being with us we'll put your

56:30

email and your handles and your website in our in our show notes so people will be able to find that

56:37

easily and thanks again Helen for your time and for everything you are doing

56:45

you're doing awesome and it's always a pleasure to meet somebody no matter

56:50

where they're at in the world that they're doing good so thank you for being with us today

57:02

thank you for joining us for this episode of the Voices for Voices podcast thank you also to Our Guest Helen

57:10

Pengelly from the United Kingdom for spending some time with us thank you so

57:15

much until next time I am Justin Alan Hayes founder and executive director of

57:21

Voices for Voices host and humanitarian until next time have a great day and be

57:29

a voice for yourself or somebody in need [Music] [Applause]

57:37

[Music] thank you.  

Please donate to Voices for Voices, a 501c3 nonprofit charity today at: https://www.voicesforvoices.org/shop/p/donate

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